


davey's good christian groupchat

by itsyagirl_cass



Category: Newsies - All Media Types
Genre: I dont know what im doing anymore, M/M, a n y w a y, all i can write is chat, dank memes probably, he's also a fuccin drama queen but what else is new, its all im good for lmao, let davey meme 2kEveryYear, race is very emotionally confused so don't mind him suffering always, rated for language, um
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2018-05-16
Packaged: 2018-12-04 02:58:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 18,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11546058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsyagirl_cass/pseuds/itsyagirl_cass
Summary: davey: jack didnt you accidentally check out 50 shades of grey oncedalmation: WHATsanta_gay: WE DONT TALK ABOUT THATsanta_gay: I THOUGHT IT WAS AN ART BOOKnyoom: J A C K   N Owho-is-she: I CANNOT B E L I E V E





	1. j a c k   n o

**Author's Note:**

> all of the names are self-explanatory but theres one that doesnt technically make sense so basically
> 
> who-is-she=kath because she's the only girl in the group chat right now. thats the only reason other than that being her favorite meme

**1:29 AM**

 

**nyoom:** oooookay yall whats good

 

**santa_gay:** my face

 

**nyoom:** dont lie to yourself yikes

 

**dalmation:** O H

 

**who-is-she:** 911 ive witnessed a murder

 

**santa_gay:** did you just dab, race?

 

**nyoom:** NO

 

**dalmation:** yes

 

**santa_gay:** HOW DID I KNOW

 

**nyoom:** im  _predictable_? i gotta change it up now yEET

 

**santa_gay:** LULZ SO RANDOM XD!!!1!!!!1!1!1!!

 

**who-is-she:** im disowning you, jack

 

**nyoom:** when have i ever said anything remotely similar to that

 

**santa_gay:** you really wanna know the answer to that

 

**nyoom:** t e l l  m e

 

**santa_gay:** okay so

 

**who-is-she:** oh my god im ready for the receipts

 

**santa_gay:** okay maybe it never happened

 

**who-is-she:** FUCK

 

**nyoom:** HA

 

**dalmation:** bless

 

**davey** is online.

**davey:** WHY ARE YOU ALL AWAKE IN MY GOOD CHRISTIAN GROUPCHAT

 

**davey:** AT 1:32AM

 

**davey:** WHAT THE FUCK

 

**davey**  is offline.

 

**who-is-she:** big mood

 

**7:44 AM**

**nyoom:** _whats good_

**davey** is online.

 

**davey:** dont tell me you never went to bed last night

 

**nyoom:** what, me? noooooo,,,,, i definitely slept

 

**nyoom:** a little

 

**nyoom:** maybe like

 

**nyoom:** 5 minutes

 

**davey:** _RACE_

 

**nyoom:** woops

 

**santa_gay:** you assholes woke me up at this ungodly hour

 

**dalmation:** tfw davey is the only one who ever goes offline

 

**davey:** *the only one who actually wants to get some sleep sometimes

 

**nyoom:** "sometimes" YOU HYPOCRITE

 

**davey:** YOUVE BEEN AWAKE FOR LIKE 20 HOURS, YOU DONT GET TO TALK

 

**nyoom:** FIGHT ME

 

**santa_gay:** my bets are on davey

 

**dalmation:** sorry race but same

 

**nyoom:** im wounded

 

**who-is-she:** my bets are on them never actually fighting

 

**nyoom:** (ง’̀-‘́)ง

 

**santa_gay:** ://////

 

**nyoom:** ok google: how do i capitalize emojis

 

**santa_gay:** (ノ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ノ︵┻┻

 

**santa_gay:** WAIT WRONG ONE SHIT

 

**nyoom:** WHY DOES IT HAVE A LENNY FACE AOSIDHVASD

 

**davey:** N O T   I N   M Y   G O O D   C H R I S T I A N   G R O U P C H A T

 

**davey** has kicked  **santa_gay**.

 

**dalmation:** now no one add him back! problem solved : )

 

**who-is-she:** that face is staring into my soul and making me uncomfy

 

**nyoom:** good job spot, you made kath uncomfy

 

**nyoom:** how could you

 

**dalmation:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

**davey:** spot using emojis is terrifying in general

 

**who-is-she:** ^^^

 

**nyoom:** is jack yelling at anyone else or is it just me

 

**davey:** no hes yelling at me too

 

**who-is-she:** same

 

**dalmation:** LMAO NOT ME

 

**nyoom:** yeah he gave up on you a long time ago, we all knew that

 

**dalmation:** W O W

 

**who-is-she:** imma just

 

**who-is-she** has added  **santa_gay**.

 

**who-is-she:** leave this here

 

**davey:** traitor

 

**santa_gay:** :(((((

 

**davey:** do you promise not to use lenny faces anymore??

 

**santa_gay:** NO ITS MY FAVORITE

 

**davey:** welp

 

**davey:** you asked for it

 

**davey** has kicked  **santa_gay**.

 

**nyoom:** im so proud

 

**12:34 PM**

**nyoom:** i just sighed very deeply and yall are about to find out why

 

**nyoom** has added  **santa_gay**.

 

**nyoom:** im sorry but he wont stop bOTHERING ME ABOUT IT

 

**santa_gay:** SPOT HOLY  _FUCK_

**santa_gay:** HAVE YOU SEEN THE NEW LIBRARIAN

 

**dalmation:** uhh no

 

**santa_gay:** WELL DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN I SAID HOT LIBRARIANS DONT ACTUALLY EXIST

 

**dalmation:** yyyyyes??

 

**santa_gay:** THIS GUY IS THE FIRST EXCEPTION

 

**nyoom:** I KNOW LAKSDNC

 

**dalmation:** what the fucc

 

**davey:** im so confused right now

 

**davey:** why are neither of you in class??

 

**nyoom:** we are

 

**santa_gay:** we're supposed to be finding books about the revolutionary war for a project

 

**davey:** I COULD BE YOUR REFERENCE

 

**nyoom:** we get it, youre obsessed with hamilton, we KNOW.

 

**davey:** dont use that meme in my good christian groupchat

 

**who-is-she:** race will you check out a book for me while youre there

 

**nyoom:** i gotchu

 

**santa_gay:** DO YOU NOT TRUST ME

 

**who-is-she:** the last time i asked you to check out a book for me you not only got one that was completely the opposite of what i wanted, you got it from the ADULT SECTION.

 

**who-is-she:** so no, jack

 

**who-is-she:** no i do not

 

**santa_gay:** ,,,,,fair enough tbh

 

**davey:** jack didnt you accidentally check out 50 shades of grey once

 

**dalmation:** WHAT

 

**santa_gay:** WE DONT TALK ABOUT THAT

 

**santa_gay:** I THOUGHT IT WAS AN ART BOOK

 

**nyoom:** J A C K   N O

 

**who-is-she:** I CANNOT B E L I E V E

 

**who-is-she:** anyway

 

**who-is-she:** race are you familiar with wicked?

 

**nyoom:** DO THEY HAVE THE FUCKING SCRIPT IN THIS LIBRARY I SWEAR TO GOD

 

**who-is-she:** I WISH

 

**who-is-she:** but no they have the novel

 

**nyoom:** and im assuming thats what you want me to get??

 

**who-is-she:** bingo bongo

 

**santa_gay:** ding dong you are wrong


	2. its lit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> woops im procrastinating on my bmc fic to write this

**3:42 PM**

**santa_gay:** do snakes have feelings

 

**dalmation:** what the fuck

 

**davey:** jack, are you on drugs? im obligated to ask

 

**santa_gay:** NO MY COACH WOULD KILL ME

 

**santa_gay:** i just

 

**santa_gay:** we were talking about snakes in biology

 

**santa_gay:** and someone was making fun of them

 

**santa_gay:** so its like

 

**santa_gay:** what if they have feelings, helen. did you ever think of that

 

**nyoom:** oh my god

 

**nyoom:** do you mean real life helen or was that just a joke

 

**santa_gay:** real life helen

 

**nyoom:** _oh my god_

**nyoom:** she  _would_  make fun of snakes

 

**who-is-she:** refer to my name please

 

**davey:** "i dont know her"

 

**santa_gay:** ok mariah carey

 

**nyoom:** basically helen is,,, just really mean tbh

 

**santa_gay:** bitchy

 

**nyoom:** i was trying to avoid that but ok

 

**dalmation:** i dont know her

 

**davey:** i dont know her

 

**who-is-she:** i dont know her

 

**santa_gay:** consider yourselves lucky

 

**nyoom:** im like 90% sure she wants to get rid of her dog because its "too annoying"

 

**nyoom:** which is like

 

**nyoom:** i'll take it. p l e a s e

 

**santa_gay:** we'll adopt it together

 

**nyoom:** suddenly im in love with jack!! oh wow!

 

**dalmation:** wot

 

**davey:** wot

 

**who-is-she:** wot

 

**santa_gay:** <3

 

**nyoom:** <3

 

**dalmation:** WOT

 

**davey:** WOT

 

**who-is-she:** WOT

 

**nyoom:** its just a prank bro

 

**santa_gay:** _or is it_

**davey:** im shooketh

 

**who-is-she:** ^^^^^

 

**dalmation:** im shook but not shooketh yet

 

**davey:** you havent Ascended yet

 

**dalmation:** ive been enlightened :0

 

**santa_gay:** please never do that again

 

**4:20 PM**

**who-is-she:** blaze it, fuckers

 

**who-is-she:** wait wrong chat

 

**nyoom:** big mood

 

**davey:** MY GOOD. CHRISTIAN. GROUPCHAT!!!!!!!

 

**santa_gay:** oh shit he mad

 

**davey:** IM NOT MAD JUST DISAPPOINTED

 

**who-is-she:** ok mom

 

**davey:** watch your attitude young lady! i could ground you!!

 

**who-is-she:** actually i dont think you can. (insert me making a big show of taking the car keys) dont wait up

 

**santa_gay:** the reference fucking kills me

 

**dalmation:** what??

 

**nyoom:** i hate both of you

 

**dalmation:**????????

 

**davey:** bmc

 

**dalmation:** i dont know what that means but ok

 

**nyoom:** _what_

**dalmation:** oh no

 

**dalmation:** suddenly im scared of you

 

**santa_gay:** WHAT

 

**dalmation:** its a joke. spot conlon isnt scared of anything

 

**nyoom:** :////

 

**dalmation:** spot conlon is scared of a few things

 

**nyoom:**  ://////////

 

**dalmation:** spot conlon is scared of spiders and very loud dogs

 

**nyoom:** much better

 

**davey:** _oh my god_

**who-is-she:** #exposed

 

**santa_gay:** is that why you dont like my dog????

 

**dalmation:** ,,,,,,,,,,,

 

**nyoom:** HOLY SHIT

 

**nyoom:** SPREAD THE WORD EVERYONE SPOT IS AFRAID OF JACK'S DOGGO

 

**nyoom:** THE BIG LOUD FLOOFY TEDDY BEAR

 

**nyoom:** ALTERNATIVELY KNOWN AS wait whats your dogs name again?? i havent seen him in ages

 

**santa_gay:** his name is whizzer

 

**nyoom:** YOU NAMED YOUR DOG WHIZZER THATS RIGHT OML

 

**santa_gay:** YEAH

 

**nyoom:** I STILL CANT BELIEVE YOU DID

 

**santa_gay:** IM OBSESSED OK

 

**nyoom:** ,,,SAME

 

**dalmation:** who's whizzer??

 

**davey:** EXCUSE ME

 

**dalmation:** what am i getting myself into

 

**davey:** Okay—

When the doctor started using phrases like  
"You'll pass away"  
What could I say?  
I said Doctor  
In plain English  
Tell me why was I chosen  
Why me of all men?  
Doctor, here's the good part  
At least death means  
I'll never be scared about dying again  
  
Let's get on with living while we can  
And not play dumb  
Death's gonna come  
When it does, screw the nerves  
I'll be eating hors d'oeuvres  
It's the roll of the dice and no crime  
You gotta die sometime  
  
Death is not a friend  
But I hope in the end  
He takes me in his arms and lets me hold his face  
He holds me in his arms and whispers something funny  
He lifts me in his arms and tells me to embrace  
His attack  
Then the scene turns to black

Life sucks

People always hate a loser  
And they hate lame ducks  
Screw me and shucks  
That's it  
That's the ball game  
I don't smoke, don't do drugs  
And then comes the bad news  
I quit  
That's the ball game  
It's the chink in the armor  
The shit in the karma  
The blues

Can I keep my cool despite the urge  
To fall apart?  
How should I start?  
I would cry if I could  
But it does no damn good  
To explain I'm a man in my prime  
You gotta die sometime

Death's a funny pal  
With a weird sort of talent  
He puts his arms around my neck and walks me to the bed  
He pins me up against the wall and kisses me like crazy  
The many stupid things I thought about with dread  
Now delight  
Then the scene turns to white

Give me the balls to orchestrate a graceful leave  


That's my reprieve  
To go out  
Without care  
My head high in the air  
It's the last little mountain I'll climb  
I'll climb  
You gotta die sometime  
You gotta die sometime  
You gotta die sometime  
You gotta die sometime, sometime  
Sometime, sometime  
Sometime, sometime  
Sometime, sometime

 

**nyoom:** that ^^^ is whizzer

 

**dalmation:** what the fuck

 

**dalmation:** is he dying

 

**davey:** YES

 

**dalmation:** I WAS KIDDING WOAH

 

**santa_gay:** IM CRYING AT PRACTICE HOW D A R E

 

**davey:** WOOPS

 

**nyoom:** speaking of practice (im not in the mood for tears rn nope changing the subject)

 

**nyoom:** did yall (read: davey and kath) hear about the theater competition??

 

**davey:** the what

 

**who-is-she:** YEAH IM SO !!!

 

**nyoom:** well basically its like honor choir but its a) competitive and b) musical theater instead of just singing

 

**nyoom:** basically its right up our alley

 

**davey:** why did no one tell me sooner!?!?!??!

 

**dalmation:** he mad

 

**davey:** No

 

**davey:** Im Just Disappointed

 

**nyoom:** i just found out today tbh

 

**who-is-she:** do you not pay attention in choir, race??

 

**nyoom:** i can confidently say that no i do not

 

**who-is-she:** ffssssss

 

**dalmation:** "for fucks sake sake sake sake sake sake"

 

**who-is-she:** stop bullying me :((((

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do competitions like this actually exist?? like im pretty sure theres a national one but like i mean strictly to the particular state
> 
> also, davey randomly copy-and-pasting lyrics is my aesthetic,,, let the boy stop his memes from being dreams 2k17


	3. be ready for this to update a lot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is gonna become that one fic that always shows up right away in the archive and you havent read it bc you dont want to but eventually you get fed up with seeing it so you read it anyway
> 
> that was very specific
> 
> woops

**1:53 AM**

 

**santa_gay:** race you should @ me when it comes to theater stuff,,, i feel attacked personally

 

**nyoom:** woops

 

**who-is-she:** can i,,,, add my friend sarah

 

**davey** is online.

 

**davey:** please refrain

 

**davey** is offline.

 

**who-is-she:** um wow ok,,, is she an ex or smth???

 

**dalmation:** sarah is his sister lmao

 

**who-is-she:** WHAT

 

**davey** is online.

 

**davey:** the rumor come out: does sarah jacobs is david jacobs' sister??

 

**davey:** spoiler alert: the answer is yes

 

**who-is-she:** im trying to figure out how i didnt notice that hang on

 

**davey:** to be fair, there are like 5 people at this school that are unrelated but have the same last name

 

**davey:** and now im going back to sleep, unlike you heathens, spamming my good christian groupchat at ungodly hours of the night

 

**dalmation:** its not good christian if the hours are ungodly

 

**nyoom:** holy shit

 

**davey:**...

 

**davey** is offline.

 

**dalmation:** we broke him

 

**santa_gay:** alskdcd

 

**who-is-she:** imma just

 

**who-is-she** has added  **idontknowher**.

 

**who-is-she:** leave this here

 

**idontknowher:** sup heteros im here and im queer

 

**nyoom:** the  _fuck_ did you just call me

 

**santa_gay:** BIG MOOD

 

**dalmation:** im screenshotting this for the receipts

 

**davey** is online.

 

**davey:** stop taking receipts in my good christian groupchat

 

**davey** is offline.

 

**dalmation:** ITS. NOT. GOOD. CHRISTIAN. IF. THE. HOURS. ARE. UNGODLY.

 

**idontknowher:** what the hell

 

**who-is-she:** sometimes he just shows up to yell about his good christian groupchat

 

**who-is-she:** _but none of us are christians_

 

**who-is-she:**   _not even him_

 

**idontknowher:** he's Extra(tm),,, what can i say

 

**santa_gay:** WHAT CAN I SAYYY EXCEPT YOURE WELCOME

 

**dalmation** has kicked  **santa_gay**.

 

**dalmation:** nope.

 

**who-is-she:** spotttttt noooooo

 

**who-is-she** has added  **santa_gay**.

 

**idontknowher:** yall are wild

 

**who-is-she:** we arent usually like this

 

**nyoom:** :////////

 

**who-is-she:** sometimes we're like this

 

**nyoom:** ://///////////////

 

**who-is-she:** okay fine we're always this way

 

**nyoom:** much better

 

**4:20 AM**

 

**idontknowher:** blaze it

 

**davey** is online.

 

**davey:** NOT IN MY

 

**davey:** oh

 

**davey:** _not my own sister_

 

**idontknowher:**  yes

 

**idontknowher:** it is i

 

**idontknowher:** _your own sister_

 

**dalmation:** this screenshot is a cursed image wow

 

**5:39 AM**

 

**nyoom:** do you think whales have emotions

 

**davey:** do you think you should sleep

 

**nyoom:** nope

 

**davey:** then no i do not

 

**nyoom:** w o w


	4. I ALWAYS FORGET TO TITLE THINGS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I CAN NEVER MANAGE TO REMEMBER TO TITLE CHAPTERS WOOPS

**2:46 PM**

 

**nyoom:** i just realized i have to go audition for the theater competition in like 15 minutes yIKES

 

 

**davey:** rest in peace

 

 

**davey:** wAIT

 

 

**davey:** SAME

 

 

**davey:** YIKES

 

 

**dalmation:** dont die

 

 

**nyoom:** UNLIKELY BUT OK

 

 

**davey:** did you ever get around to looking at the audition material??

 

 

**nyoom:** nO

 

 

**davey:**  SAME, I WAS STUDYING TO PROCRASTINATE AND I REGRET

 

 

**davey:** I GUESS WE BOTH HAVE TO SIGHTREAD

 

 

**nyoom:** FUCC

 

 

**3:01 PM**

 

**davey:** im so !!!

 

 

**nyoom:** i relate

 

 

**who-is-she:** yall need to find your chill

 

 

**idontknowher:** you wi i i i i i ill. be more chill

 

 

**nyoom:** ok google: how do i delete someone else's message

 

 

**santa_gay:** ^^^

 

 

**santa_gay:** i feel personally attacked that you would say that here

 

 

**davey:** especially in my good christian groupchat

 

 

**nyoom:** DAVEY ITS YOUR TURN PAY ATTENTION SMH

 

 

**davey:** SHIT

 

 

**3:06 PM**

 

**davey:** that was so bad wOOPS

 

 

**who-is-she:** im sure you did fine

 

 

**who-is-she:** me, on the other hand

 

 

**who-is-she:** im not even getting called back lets be real ://///

 

 

**davey:** WHAT

 

 

**santa_gay:** WHAT

 

 

**idontknowher:** WHAT

 

 

**nyoom:** W H A T

 

 

**dalmation:** what

 

 

**who-is-she:** OK FINE JESUS FUCK

 

 

**idontknowher:** I AM OFFENDED

 

 

**idontknowher:** B I N C H

 

 

**santa_gay:** pulitzer is taking my phone away talk to yall later bye

 

 

**3:27 PM**

 

**santa_gay:** FREE AT LAST

 

 

**davey:** s a m e

 

 

**nyoom:** im so glad its oVER

 

 

**davey:** there was a girl who was at trina in Im Breaking Down levels of yikes

 

 

**nyoom:** did you mean:  _me internally_

 

**idontknowher:** rip

 

 

**who-is-she:** okay but i relate half the time

 

 

**who-is-she:** the other half, ive just given up already

 

 

**davey:** biggest mood ever

 

 

**who-is-she:** WAIT YKNOW WHO WE FORGOT TO ADD

 

 

**davey:** C R U T C H I E

 

 

**nyoom:** ALSKDVNDFV

 

 

**idontknowher:** who??

 

 

**idontknowher:** OHHHH NEVERMIND

 

 

**santa_gay:** how dare

 

 

**who-is-she** has added  **thesun**.

 

 

**thesun:** i told you i didnt want to be a part of whatever kind of cult this groupchat is

 

 

**santa_gay:**...i

 

 

**idontknowher:** i am personally not offended

 

 

**idontknowher:** but ok

 

 

**davey:** we love you too crutchie

 

 

**thesun:** WRONG CHAT WOOPS

 

 

**dalmation:** nono,, this is kinda a cult

 

 

**nyoom:** how so??

 

 

**santa_gay:** cult

 

kəlt/

 

_noun_

 

a system of religious veneration and devotion directed toward a particular figure or object.

"the cult of St. Olaf"

  * a relatively small group of people having religious beliefs or practices regarded by others as strange or sinister.

"a network of Satan-worshiping cults"

synonyms: |  sect, denomination, group, movement, church, persuasion, body, faction

"a religious cult"  
  
---|---  
  
  * a misplaced or excessive admiration for a particular person or thing.




 

 

**santa_gay:** tell me again how this is a cult

 

 

**dalmation:** did you even read the last one

 

 

**santa_gay:** DID I STUTTER

 

 

**santa_gay:** WHAT DEFINITION SAYS THAT WE ARE A CULT, SPOT. WHICH ONE.

 

 

**dalmation:** THE LAST ONE, DUMBASS

 

 

**santa_gay:** H O W

 

 

**santa_gay:** W H A T   D O   W E   H A V E   E X C E S S I V E   A D M I R A T I O N   F O R

 

 

**dalmation:** UH

 

 

**dalmation:** uh

 

 

**dalmation:** fuck

 

 

**santa_gay:** LMAO

 

 

**dalmation:** SHHHHH

 

 

**nyoom:** i cant believe spot just died

 

 

**dalmation:** IM GONNA FIGHT YOU

 

 

**nyoom:** have fun with that

 

 

**idontknowher:** wait arent you two dating

 

 

**dalmation:** _what_

 

**nyoom:** nO

 

 

**davey:** and this is when i take my leave. goodbye!

 

 

**davey** is offline.

 

 

**nyoom:** ://///////

 

 

**davey** is online.

 

 

**davey:** dont give me that look

 

 

**davey** is offline.

 

 

**nyoom:** WOW

 

 

**dalmation:** i cant believe davey would do this to us

 

 

**nyoom:** *i cant believe davey would do this to me

 

 

**santa_gay:** HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO MEEEEEE

 

 

**santa_gay:** IVE MADE MY MISTAKESSSSS

 

 

**santa_gay:** GOT NOWHERE TO RUUUN

 

 

**santa_gay:** LIFE GOOOOES OOOON AS IM FADING AWAAAAAY

 

 

**nyoom:** you listen to that unironically.

 

 

**who-is-she:** EXPOSED

 

 

**idontknowher:** RIP JACK

 

 

**santa_gay:** im offended, race

 

 

**santa_gay:** do we need to talk about  _the phase_

 

**nyoom:** NO WE DO NOT

 

 

**dalmation:** nono i wanna know now

 

 

**dalmation:** give me the dirt

 

 

**nyoom:** jack if you have ever love me you will refrain

 

 

**santa_gay:** well ya see

 

 

**nyoom:** DONT

 

 

**santa_gay:** lmao i was kidding

 

 

**dalmation:** DM ME

 

 

**dalmation:** I NEED TO KNOW

 

 

**santa_gay:** hmmmm

 

 

**nyoom:** J A C K

 

 

**santa_gay:** _hmmmmmmm_

 

**nyoom:** _J A C K_

 

**santa_gay:** imma do it

 

 

**nyoom:** NOOOO

 

 

**4:07 PM**

 

**dalmation:** im still waiting for my dm jack

 

 

**nyoom:** HA

 

 

**santa_gay:** it was all a part of my master plan

 

 

**idontknowher:** you arent smart enough to have a master plan

 

 

**dalmation:** oh my god

 

 

**thesun:** im so glad im here now, suddenly


	5. "what the fuck" x5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lmao even if i dont make anyone else laugh, i crack myself up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry to be constantly changing the format lol,, sometimes gmail drafts just dont copy right and then i try n fix it but only make it worse. this chapter is ok tho as far as formatting goes

**4:12 AM**

**santa_gay:** do you ever have a voice crack so bad you want to die

 

**nyoom:** me while auditioning

 

**santa_gay:** REALLY

 

**nyoom:** YES I STILL WANT DEATH

 

**santa_gay:** MCYIKES

 

**nyoom:** FRFR

 

**who-is-she:** rest in pieces

 

**davey:** i cant believe race is dead

 

**who-is-she:** :'(

 

**thesun:** please sleep

 

**who-is-she:** ill sleep when i die

 

**davey:** o shit

 

**idontknowher:** same tho

 

**santa_gay:** biggest mood yet

 

**dalmation:** for once i agree that we should sleep

 

**dalmation:** we cant do this every school night ya feel

 

**davey:** ^^^^^^^ YES

 

**davey:** WE ARE CONVERTING HIM INTO ONE OF US

 

**davey:** HE'S BECOMING RESPONSIBLE

 

**dalmation:** ew responsibilities

 

**dalmation:** i'll pass thanks

 

**thesun:** well, we tried

 

**5:43 AM**

**idontknowher:** why did i just hear davey screaming the lyrics to seasons of love

 

**davey:** I WAS NOT SCREAMING

 

**idontknowher:** ://///////////

 

**idontknowher** has sent the file  **whatishedoing.mp3**.

 

\---

 

_Silence. And then, suddenly, "FIVE HUNDRED TWENTY-FIVE THOUSAND SIX HUNDRED MINUTES, FIVE HUNDRED TWENTY-FIVE THOUSAND MOMENTS SO DEAR. FIVE HUNDRED TWENTY-FIVE THOUSAND SIX HUNDRED MINUTES, HOW DO YOU MEASURE A YEAR IN THE LIFE? HOW ABOUT LOOOOOOOOOOVE."_

_Muffled laughter from Sarah was heard for a second or two before the recording cut out._

\---

 

**santa_gay:** oh my god

 

**nyoom:** wow you'd almost think this could be a chapter of In Which Many People Get Exposed

 

**santa_gay:** what

 

**davey:** what

 

**idontknowher:** what

 

**who-is-she:** what

 

**thesun:** what

 

**dalmation:** what

 

**nyoom:**....anyway

 

**thesun:** i dont know what that means but ok

 

**nyoom:** you dont want to know

 

**davey:** uhhh ok then

 

**7:15 AM**

**santa_gay:** race were you ok last night

 

**nyoom:** yeah???

 

**santa_gay:** why did you break the 4th wall then

 

**nyoom:**  because none of us exist, its all a fictional work of writing. we arent real people, just characters to be used at the hands of others.

 

**davey:** what the fuck

 

**idontknowher:** what the fuck

 

**thesun:** what the fuck

 

**dalmation:** what the fuck

 

**who-is-she:** what the fuck

 

**nyoom:** lmao nothing


	6. i cant believe race fucking died

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mcfckin shoutout to Jacky_think_about_it for being Incredible
> 
> this chapter?? i think you mean the death of racetrack "nervous laughter" higgins

**2:18 AM**

 

**nyoom >>> davey**

 

**nyoom:**  okay hypothetically

 

**nyoom:**  if when i said "suddenly im in love with jack" i wasnt exactly kidding

 

**nyoom:**  would that be problematic or what

 

**davey:**  OH MY GOD

 

**davey:** HOW DID I NEVER NOTICE BEFORE

 

**nyoom:**  ITS NOT A BIG DEAL OK DONT MAKE ME EXPOSE YOU

 

**davey:**  you wouldnt dare

 

**nyoom:** oh but i would

 

**nyoom >>> davey's good christian groupchat**

 

**nyoom:**  i know who davey likes ;)

 

**santa_gay:**  SPILL

 

**nyoom:** my lips are sealed....... f o r  n o w

 

**davey:**  HOW COULD YOU

 

**nyoom:** LMAO

 

**davey:**  YEAH WELL I KNOW WHO RACE LIKES

 

**santa_gay:** S P I L L

 

**nyoom:** FUCK

 

**davey:**  I CANT EXPOSE HIM UNLESS HE EXPOSES ME FIRST SO I GUESS YOULL NEVER FIND OUT

 

**nyoom >>> davey**

 

**nyoom:** i see we have reached an agreement

 

**nyoom:**  it was a pleasure doing business with you

**davey:**  noice

 

**davey's good christian groupchat**

**santa_gay:** yall cant just say that and then not tell us. rude

 

**nyoom:** we can tho

 

**santa_gay:** ://////

 

**nyoom:** dont you dare steal my brand

 

**santa_gay:** YOU DIDNT SAY THAT TO SARAH

 

**nyoom:** well its too late now isnt it lmao

 

**idontknowher:** actually ive just been lurking

 

**nyoom:** _dont steal my brand, sarah_

**idontknowher:** you arent exactly intimidating, race

 

**nyoom:** EXCUSE ME

 

**davey:** oh no

 

**nyoom:** I AM VERY INTIMIDATING FOR YOUR INFORMATION

 

**nyoom:** YOU DONT KNOW ME

 

**nyoom:** ITS NOT A PHASE MOM

 

**idontknowher:** lasdvnasdlkv

 

**santa_gay:** that might be the first keyboard smash in this chat

 

**davey:** i can almost guarantee that it isnt

 

**nyoom:** i think i hold that title tbh

 

**santa_gay:** that wouldnt be surprising

 

**dalmation:** i cant believe you asshats woke me up

 

**who-is-she:** i guess you could say, spot

 

**who-is-she:** that you're

 

**who-is-she:** _woke_

**dalmation:** god fucking dammit

 

**dalmation >>> nyoom**

**dalmation:** you should tell me who you like

 

**nyoom:** um i like all of you, who do you take me for

 

**dalmation:** you know what i fucking meant

 

**nyoom:** OH

 

**nyoom:** haha

 

**nyoom:** nope

 

**dalmation:** raceeeeeeeeee

 

**nyoom:** no amount of bothering me is gonna make me tell you lmao

 

**dalmation:** what about when you added jack back to the chat

 

**dalmation:** what if i bother you that much

 

**nyoom:** THAT WAS DIFFERENT OK

 

**dalmation:** yknow what nevermind i think i figured it out

 

**dalmation >>> davey**

**dalmation:** _is it jack_

**davey:** ,,,is what jack

 

**dalmation:** DOES RACE LIKE JACK

 

**davey:** oh yeah

 

**davey:** WAIT I WASNT SUPPOSED TO TELL YOU FUCK

 

**dalmation:** OH MY GOD

 

**davey >>> nyoom**

**davey:** i am so sorry

 

**nyoom:** what did you do

 

**davey:** uhhhh

 

**dalmation >>> nyoom**

**dalmation:** I KNOW WHO YOU LIKE LMAO

 

**nyoom:** oh really,,, take a wild guess, asshole

 

**dalmation:** DAVEY TOLD ME

 

**dalmation:** ITS JACK

 

**nyoom:**....i

 

**nyoom >>> davey**

**nyoom:** _YOU MOTHERFUCKER_


	7. woops its 5:45AM as i publish this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lmao what have i gotten myself into

**7:29 AM**

 

**santa_gay >>> nyoom**

**santa_gay:** you know you can tell me anything, right?

 

**nyoom:** im not telling you who i like no matter how much you beg me ://///

 

**santa_gay:** NO REALLY THO

 

**santa_gay:** im serious

 

**santa_gay:** this isnt about that

 

**santa_gay:** im just sayin

 

**santa_gay:** you can tell me anything, race

 

**nyoom:** OKAY OKAY JESUS CHRIST

 

**nyoom:** IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHO I LIKE THAT BAD THEN I'LL TELL YOU

 

**santa_gay:** YES. PLEASE

 

**nyoom:** ok

 

**nyoom:** i like

 

**nyoom:** _none of your goddamn business_

**santa_gay:** WOW

 

**davey's good christian groupchat**

**santa_gay:** this just in, race is a fucking Liar

 

**nyoom:** not a liar

 

**nyoom:** just

 

**nyoom:** a deceiver

 

**davey:** oh lord

 

**davey:** do i even want to know

 

**who-is-she:** if you do, dont say it here, because I Sure Dont Want That Info Please And Thank You

 

**idontknowher:** ^^^

 

**thesun:** i mean i kinda wanna know

 

**thesun:** but if yall arent comfortable with sharing thats ok!!!

 

**nyoom:** take some pointers from crutchie please n thank you **@santa_gay**

 

**santa_gay:** W O W

 

**idontknowher:** wow jack you really pissed him off

 

**nyoom:** im not mad im just disappointed :///////////

 

**thesun:** PANDORA JUST BLESSED ME WITH WAVING THROUGH A WINDOW

 

**thesun:** that was all i had to say, please continue the previous conversation

 

**who-is-she:** BIG!! MOOD!!

 

**santa_gay:** im gay for ben platt's voice,,,,,,

 

**nyoom:** ^^ did i ghostwrite that??

 

**davey:** no, you couldnt have, because _i_ did

 

**idontknowher:** im str8 for it

 

**idontknowher:** SIKE IM NOT STR8 FOR ANYTHING

 

**who-is-she >>> davey  
**

**who-is-she:** IM SHOOKETH

 

**davey:** we get it, you have a raging, gay crush on my sister, we gET IT, W E   K N O W

 

**who-is-she:** Y E E T YOURE DAMN RIGHT YOU DO

 

**davey's good christian groupchat**

**thesun:** oh my god pandora is just being amazing this morning

 

**thesun:** cue me, screaming the lyrics to Beautiful from the World Premiere Cast Recording of Heathers: The Musical(tm)

 

**nyoom:** DEAR DIARY

 

**nyoom:** WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

 

**davey:** SEND ME A SIGN GOD, GIVE ME SOME HOPE HERE, SOMETHING TO LIVE FOOOOOOR

 

**davey:** i saw heathers and i just. Immediately Could Not Stop

 

**santa_gay:** ME THO

 

**idontknowher:** tfw davey is the most relatable person here currently

 

**who-is-she:** hmm idk crutchie's the one who started this whole thing

 

**idontknowher:** you rite, you rite

 

**who-is-she >>> davey**

**who-is-she:**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

**davey:** oh sweet jesus

 

**davey:** im not nearly awake enough for this

 

**davey:** kill me

 

**who-is-she:** its not my fault im peppy in the morning!!!!!

 

**davey:** HOW DO YOU DO IT

 

**davey:** WHATS YOUR SECRET

 

**who-is-she:** a magician never reveals their tricks

 

**davey:** I CANNOT B E L I E V E YOU WOULD DO THIS TO ME

 

**davey:** WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS ABUSE

 

**who-is-she:** do you need me to find some screenshots because i can do that

 

**davey:** wow suddenly im not Offended at all anymore!!!!!! wow holy shit its a miracle!!!!!!!!!!

 

**who-is-she:** t h a t s   w h a t   i   t h o u g h t ,    _b i n c h_

 

**davey:** sweaty : )))))))

 

**who-is-she:** oandfcasdlc

 

**davey's good christian groupchat**

**who-is-she:** breaking news: davey is a closet memer

 

**davey:** i wasnt exactly hiding it, i just havent had a reason to use my meme knowledge in a while

 

**davey:** i mean i literally went as a meme for halloween a few years ago, i wasnt exactly subtle

 

**santa_gay:** WAIT THAT WAS A MEME?

 

**nyoom:** yes, jack, pepe is a meme

 

**santa_gay:** dont say that as if it was obvious ://////

 

**nyoom:** STOP STEALING MY BRAND FFS

 

**santa_gay:** ooooo someone's angery

 

**nyoom:** ooooo someone's a filtHY BRAND STEALER

 

**santa_gay:** w h y   a r e   y o u   s o   m a d

 

**nyoom:** i m   n o t   m a d   i m   j u s t   d i s a p p o i n t e d

 

**dalmation >>> nyoom**

**dalmation:** stop flirting with jack lmao

 

**nyoom:** EXCUSE ME

 

**dalmation:** you know what i said ; )

 

**nyoom:** S P O T

 

**davey's good christian groupchat**

**thesun:** PARENTS COPS AND TEACHERS CANT PROTECT US

 

**thesun:** wait wrong version

 

**thesun:** I WANTED SOMEONE STRONG WHO COULD PROTECT ME

 

**thesun:** I LET HIS ANGER FESTER AND INFECT MEEEE

 

**thesun:** HIS SOLUTION IS A LIE

 

**thesun:** NO ONE HERE DESERVES TO DIE

 

**thesun:** EXCEPT FOR ME AND THE MONSTER I CREATEDDDDDDDDDDD YEAAAAAHH YEAHHHH

 

**davey:** what did you mean "wrong version"? there's only one???

 

**thesun:** see now that's where youre wrong

 

**davey:** :00000 whats the other version?????

 

**thesun:** okay so basically

 

**thesun:** i wanted someone strong who could protect me, i let his anger fester and infect me, his solution is a lie, no one here deserves to die, except for me and the monster i created = parents cops and teachers cant protect us, they try to help but somehow misdirect us, they cant save me, never could, its up to me to do some good, im the one who has to stop my monster

 

**thesun:** veronica? jason dean told me you just committed suicide! -yeah well he's wrong about a lot of things = AAAAA!! JASON DEAN TOLD US YOU'D JUST COMMITTED SUICIDE -reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated

 

**thesun:** i wish your mom had been a little stronger, i wish she'd stayed around a little longer = i wish that i could hurt the ones who hurt you -yeah you and me both -i wish your mother had not chosen to desert you -it happens

 

**thesun:** and then as they start fighting over the gun jd goes "AH! JESUS _CHRIST_ "

 

**nyoom:** big mood, jd,  b i g   m o o d

 

**davey:** ^^^

 

**santa_gay:** i forgot about school while reading this and it was a sweet, sweet fantasy, but now i have to leave

 

**nyoom:** "i thought you were done with heather!" "yeah and it was a sweet fantasy. a world without heather, a world where we are all free. but now its morning and i have to go kiss her aerobicized ass"

 

**nyoom:** spelling??? who is she. i dont know her

 

**9:38 AM**

**santa_gay:** lack of sleep headaches are. so fun

 

**santa_gay:** i uh

 

**santa_gay:** i really love em

 

**santa_gay:** in fact i think i want one every day

 

**santa_gay:** read: kill me now. sweet embrace of death where are you?? i could use you right about now.

 

**10:22 AM**

**davey:** I HAD A TEST

 

**davey:** jack are you okay

 

**santa_gay:** I FELL ASLEEP IN CLASS

 

**nyoom:** oh my god

 

**davey:** ,,,,,jack

 

**davey:** why do you think i always try to make you idiots get some sleep??

 

**davey:** because this is why. this is Exactly Why.

 

**santa_gay:** ok mom not the point

 

**santa_gay:** the point is

 

**santa_gay:** _I FELL ASLEEP IN P U L I T Z E R ' S CLASS_

**davey:** oh no

 

**nyoom:** OH MY GOD

 

**dalmation:** i had this chat on mute without realizing it. or maybe i just dont like you guys lmao

 

**davey:** :(((((((

 

**nyoom:** ://///////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

**dalmation:** anyway

 

**dalmation:** i cant believe jack is fucking dead

 

**santa_gay:** im typing from beyond the grave

 

**santa_gay:** on my tombstone i want the words:

 

**santa_gay:** "was killed doing what he loved most: fighting a tiger"

 

**santa_gay:** so people think im a badass ya feel

 

**nyoom >>> davey**

**nyoom:** i cannot believe i like  _this_

**davey:** neither can i. what the fuck

 

**nyoom:** i cant be trusted i guess woops

 

**davey's good christian groupchat**

**santa_gay:** the wild thing tho is

 

**santa_gay:** im actually not dead yet

 

**dalmation:** oh wow, really??? i never wouldve guessed!!

 

**nyoom:** d e s t r o y e d

 

**santa_gay:** LIKE YOU CAN TALK

 

**santa_gay:** wait i have nothing to back this up nEVERMIND

 

**nyoom:** THATS WHAT I THOUGHT

 

**11:48 AM**

**santa_gay:** ya know the great thing about having a class with your adoptive mom is

 

**santa_gay:** she'll let you just. sleep

 

**davey:** good, because you Fucking Need It

 

**santa_gay:** y e s   i   d o

 

**nyoom:** who's the clone who replaced jack what the hell

 

**santa_gay:** EXCUSE ME

 

**nyoom:** fite me. dennys. 3am. parking lot. be there or be square.

 

**idontknowher:** sweetie... no one says be there or be square anymore...

 

**nyoom:** I DO

 

**idontknowher:** well arent you special : )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didnt make it very obvious, but in the beginning of the chapter when race said "OKAY OKAY JESUS CHRIST, IF YOU WANNA KNOW WHO I LIKE THAT BAD THEN I'LL TELL YOU", he was a c t u a l l y gonna do it and then just kinda thought
> 
> "s h i t nope"
> 
> which is like... hella same


	8. overuse of spongebob quotes?? sign me the fuck up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im. so sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'll update iwmpge soon i promise

**5:36 PM**

**santa_gay:** im boreddddd

 

**davey:** dont you have practice??

 

**santa_gay:** no its wednesday

 

**davey:** oh yeaaah

 

**santa_gay:** for once i dont have anything i want to paint

 

**nyoom:** unheard of

 

**nyoom:** ive said it before and ill say it again: who's the clone who replaced jack

 

**santa_gay:** _why are you like this_

**nyoom:** ravioli ravioli give me the formuoli

 

**santa_gay:** I HATE YOU SM

 

**nyoom:** :////////

 

**santa_gay:** ://////////////////////

 

**nyoom:** FILTHY BRAND STEALER STRIKES AGAIN

 

**santa_gay:** ://///////////////////////////////

**idontknowher:** ://///////////////////////////////////////////////

 

**davey:** :///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

**thesun:** :///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

**who-is-she:** ://////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

**dalmation:** :////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

**nyoom:** ok google: how do i find new friends

 

**santa_gay:** YOU LOVE US, DONT LIE

 

**nyoom:** that was very aggressive

 

**nyoom:** but sure, whatever helps you sleep at night

 

**thesun:** the slash bringing hasher

 

**thesun:** the sash wringing

 

**thesun:** trash thinging

 

**thesun:** mash flinging

 

**thesun:** the flash springing

 

**thesun:** bringing the the crash thinging the

 

**thesun:** the  h a s h   s l i n g i n g   s l a s h e r ?

 

**idontknowher:** klasdnvasd

 

**who-is-she:** im takin out the trash

 

**who-is-she:** _a t   n i g h t_

**santa_gay:** that's ridiculous! who wants a krabby patty at 3 in the morning?

 

**davey:** OH BOY, 3AM!  _c r o n c h_

 

**dalmation:** take that pile of filth out with ya

 

**santa_gay:** g a s p ! you shouldnt talk about squidward like that!

 

**nyoom:** the inner machinations of my mind are an enigma

 

**davey:** did yall hear about the spongebob musical

 

**who-is-she:** _the what_

**davey:** yyyyyyeah

 

**davey:** yeah its a thing

 

**idontknowher:** is that why you were so yikesed this morning??

 

**davey:** YES

 

**davey:** I JUST

 

**davey:** WHO WANTED THIS. LITERALLY WHO ASKED FOR THIS TO BE MADE, AND W H Y

 

**davey:** ALSO WHAT DRUGS WERE THEY ON

 

**dalmation:** fr tho

 

**7:51 PM**

**santa_gay:** can we talk about that One Part of For Forever

 

**idontknowher:** we absolutely can

 

**santa_gay:** its just so fucking good like??????? ben what are your secrets

 

**davey:** ^^^

 

**who-is-she:** is it the best part of the song?? quite possibly. is it also the saddest part?? also quite possible.

 

**idontknowher:** can we also take a moment to talk about requiem as a whole

 

**nyoom:** that song is such good shit

 

**nyoom:** after i first heard it, it was all i could listen to for 2 weeks straight

 

**nyoom:** or 2 weeks bi if you wanna be precise

 

**who-is-she:** ALSDNVALDSK

 

**idontknowher:** fuck

 

**idontknowher:** anyway

 

**idontknowher:** that song is a freaking masterpiece as far as im concerned :///

 

**nyoom:** do i even need to say it at this point

 

**idontknowher:** nope

 

**nyoom:** cool, cool

 

**idontknowher:** i also could only listen to that song specifically for 2 weeks lesbian

 

**davey:** im so proud

 

**thesun:** i mean ok are any of us straight??

 

**dalmation:** nope

 

**santa_gay:** hi my name is Pan Asfuck nice to meet you

 

**thesun:** lkjadf,val;dsnc

 

**4:17 AM**

**nyoom:** do frogs have emotions

 

**davey:** please go to sleep.

 

**nyoom:** NO IM SERIOUS

 

**nyoom:** what if frogs have emotions and there are people who are unreasonably freaked out by them and it just makes them to sad like :((((((( let the cute little green blobs live

 

**santa_gay:** please stop

 

**nyoom:** lmao

 

**4:20 AM**

**who-is-she:** i have something very important to tell you all

 

**idontknowher:** ooooo

 

**who-is-she:** its something ive been thinking about for a long time

 

**who-is-she:** and i really feel like i just need to get this off my chest

 

**who-is-she:** and please dont laugh, this is very important to me

 

**who-is-she:** okay here goes

 

**who-is-she:**  BLAZE IT, FUCKERS

 

**thesun:** PLEASE GO TO SLEEP, ALL OF YOU

 

**davey:** CRUTCHIE HAS HIS PRIORITIES STRAIGHT

 

**thesun:** no i have my priorities gay, who do you take me for


	9. d o n t   s c r e e n s h o t   t h i s ,   s p o t

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lmao

**10:27 AM**

 

**nyoom:** guess who just got a detention : )

 

**santa_gay:** _YOU WHAT_

**nyoom:** hahaaaaa

 

**nyoom:** yyyyyyyyyyyeah

 

**nyoom:** kill me please

 

**santa_gay:** pull the trigger piglet

 

**10:31 AM**

**davey:** WHAT DID YOU DO

 

**nyoom:** lets just say

 

**nyoom:** dont talk back to pulitzer

 

**nyoom:** and you will only dig your own grave even further if you try to explain yourself

 

**davey:**...oh my god

 

**idontknowher:** what did you say? :0

 

**nyoom:** what if i,,, dont want to tell yall that

 

**thesun:** you dont have to!!!

 

**nyoom:** bless you crutchie

 

**nyoom:** I Would Die Without You

 

**santa_gay:** rt

 

**10: 37 AM**

**nyoom:** THERES A WAY I CAN GET OUT OF MY DETENTION HOLD UP

 

**santa_gay:** :00000

 

**nyoom:** okay yeah no nevermind

 

**nyoom:** i have to be a star student until holiday break which is in 3 MONTHS

 

**nyoom:** which means no talking in class, turning everything in on time even if i get sick, keeping my grades over B+ (and yall know i barely stay above B- as it is in pulitzer's class so mmm nah), and worst of all

 

**nyoom:** i would have to help pulitzer w i l l i n g l y

 

**nyoom:** so no

 

**nyoom:** i'd rather sit awkwardly in silence alone with him for an hour and Suffer than do all of that

 

**santa_gay:** that sounds like a lot just to get out of detention

 

**nyoom:** i mean i guess its reasonable ish but i Dont Want To Do That

 

**santa_gay:** pultizer's a jerk

 

**santa_gay:** he's a rattlesnake

 

**davey:** but you know why a snake starts to rattle, right??

 

**santa_gay:** why

 

**davey:** because they're scared!!

 

**nyoom:** suuure

 

**davey:** no really! go and look it up!! the poor guy's head is spinning!!!

 

**nyoom:** " **idontknowher:** you arent exactly intimidating, race"

 

**idontknowher:** lnkasdlvkansd

 

**idontknowher:** the receipts are real

 

**davey:** NOT IN MY GOOD CHRISTIAN GROUPCHAT THEYRE NOT

 

**2:38 PM**

**santa_gay:** w8

 

**santa_gay:** when is your detention??

 

**nyoom:** im doing it tomorrow morning to get it over with

 

**nyoom:** i'd do it tonight but i need to sleep

 

**davey:** so youre finally admitting that you need sleep!

 

**nyoom:** s h h

 

**dalmation:** oh snap

 

**nyoom:** spot no

 

**dalmation:** ; )

 

**nyoom:** d o n t   s c r e e n s h o t   t h i s ,   s p o t

 

**dalmation:** too late :))))))))))


	10. ohohohoho

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> winksad

**2:13 AM**

**nyoom:** should i stress bake :))))))))

 

**nyoom:** or is that doing way more than The Most

 

**who-is-she:** DO IT

 

**dalmation:** youre gonna burn your fucking house down if you try that at this hour

 

**nyoom:** you sound like my mom what the hell

 

**davey:** please dont

 

**idontknowher:** D O   I T

 

**santa_gay:** can i come over and help

 

**santa_gay:** for, uh

 

**santa_gay:** supervision

 

**nyoom:** what if youre the reason im stress baking in the first place :0000  _[This message was removed at 2:14 AM.]_

 

**nyoom** has deleted one message.

 

**nyoom:** I DIDNT SAY ANYTHING HAHAH

 

**nyoom >>> davey**

**nyoom:** END ME!! I DUN FUCKED UP

 

**davey:** good job

 

**davey:** youve really done it now

 

**nyoom:** I KNOW

 

**nyoom:** PLEASE END MY SUFFERING

 

**davey:** im too tired for this shit

 

**nyoom:** DAVEY I AM HAVING A CRISIS

 

**davey:** zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

 

**nyoom:** _DAVID I-DONT-KNOW-YOUR-MIDDLE-NAME JACOBS_

**davey:** zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

 

**nyoom:** >:o

 

**davey:** zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

 

**nyoom:** :///////

 

**nyoom:** Feels Bad Man

 

**davey's good christian groupchat**

**santa_gay:** i was making food what happened

 

**nyoom >>> davey**

**nyoom:** i am. so glad

 

**nyoom:** so #thankful

 

**nyoom:** so #blessed

 

**davey:** you should go to #sleep before you #die in a kitchen fire

 

**nyoom:** IM MAKING CUPCAKES AND YOU CANT STOP ME

 

**davey:** OH FOR FUCKS SAKE

 

**davey's good christian groupchat**

**santa_gay:** _can i come ""help"" or not_

**nyoom:** the answer is no

 

**santa_gay:** why noooooot :((((

 

**nyoom:** there will be flour everywhere

 

**dalmation >>> nyoom**

**dalmation:** ohohohoh ',:)

 

**nyoom:** STOP

 

**davey's good christian groupchat**

**santa_gay:** damn u rite

 

**who-is-she:** CAN I COME

 

**nyoom:** your dad is gonna Kill You

 

**who-is-she:** death is welcome at this point

 

**nyoom:** ,,,,,,,same

 

**nyoom:** ok sure fine but if i die tomorrow morning approximately 1 hour before school starts i cant be held accountable

 

**who-is-she:** BLESS

 

**who-is-she:** also itll be fiiiiiine

 

**who-is-she:** yall think i havent mastered the art of sneaking out at this point??

 

**santa_gay:** WHAT

 

**dalmation:** wot

 

**nyoom:** oh my god

 

**idontknowher:** ive taught you well :')

 

**nyoom >>> who-is-she**

**nyoom:** winkada winkada

 

**who-is-she:** i am winksad that you would do this to me

 

**davey's good christian groupchat**

**santa_gay:** im overall still Wounded because i always help you bake at 3AM :((((((

 

**nyoom:** it isnt 3AM yet tho now is it

 

**santa_gay:** IT ALMOST IS

 

**who-is-she:** jack... its 2:20AM

 

**santa_gay:** CLOSE ENOUGH

 

**davey:** youre ridiculous

 

**idontknowher:** hey wheres crutchie

 

**davey:** ASLEEP UNLIKE THE REST OF YOU HEATHENS

 

**thesun:** nah im awake

 

**thesun:** just lurking

 

**thesun:** watching the drama unfold

 

**thesun:** yknow, the usual

 

**nyoom:** "watching the drama unfold" what drama lmao

 

**thesun:** nothing gets past me : )

 

**nyoom:**...i

 

**who-is-she:** :000000000

 

**davey:** ok google: why am i scared of crutchie now

 

**thesun:** i saw that deleted message :))))))))))

 

**nyoom:** I

 

**nyoom:** i am offended

 

**nyoom:** that you would imply

 

**nyoom:** that i wasnt just deleting an atrocious typo

 

**thesun:** youve never deleted them before lmao

 

**nyoom >>> thesun**

**nyoom:** _listen here you little shit_

**thesun:** EXPOSED

 

**nyoom:** i dont know where i was going with that

 

**nyoom:** pretend i didnt say anything

 

**davey's good christian groupchat**

**thesun:** exhibit a: " **nyoom:** o hmy fofhbnmavs'"

 

**nyoom:** oh sweetie

 

**nyoom:** it was way worse than that and you know it

 

**davey:** what was that even supposed to say

 

**nyoom:** "oh my fucking god"

 

**dalmation:**  relatable


	11. ;)))))

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> why do i always make my children suffer?? no one knows

**6:23 AM**

 

**nyoom:**  i love the sweet smell of suffering in the early morning

 

**nyoom:**  aka i want death and i want it now

 

**davey:**  me too, buddy, me too

 

**santa_gay:**  WHICH ONE OF YOU ASSHOLES WOKE ME UP

 

**santa_gay:**  WHO IS RESPONSIBLE

 

**davey:**  dont ask me questions im frightened of questions

**who-is-she:**  im personally offended by that, davey, youre a ravenclaw ass binch and you know it

 

**thesun:** "YOURE A RAVENCLAW ASS BINCH" IM DYING ALSDKNAVS

 

**nyoom:** SAME CRUTCHIE

 

**idontknowher:** I TS TRUE THO

 

**dalmation:** im muting this chat bye, yall fuckers wake up too early

 

**santa_gay:** w o w

 

**nyoom:** i would say im wounded, normally, but this is typical for spot so im just gonna let it slide

 

**who-is-she:** WHATS G O O D YALL, W E L C O M E   B A C K,  IT IS YOUR HOST. WITH THE ROAST. BERLEEEEEZYYYYYYYYYYYY

 

**davey:** what the fuck

 

**nyoom:** K A T H   N O

 

**who-is-she:** COURAGE THE COWARDLY DOG EXPOSED THO

 

**who-is-she:** LETS

 

**who-is-she:** _G E T   I I I I I T_

**nyoom:** K A T H E R I N E   D O   N O T

 

**santa_gay:** i am so confused

 

**nyoom:** "we interrupt this program to--" NO IM INTERRUPTING YOUUUU

 

**who-is-she:** "wait. am i going too far? am i going to get de-monetized?" family feud music in the background "I GUESS IMMA HAVE TO LET IT SLIIIIDE"

 

**nyoom:** "do me a favor. give spongebob back his boots" NEED THERE BE MORE SAID

 

**who-is-she:** slow motion: G A A A A H "eUSTACE. i know the bible says respect your elders, and you look about as old as the lord himself, but i goTTA ROAST YOU!!!"

 

**nyoom:** "what brand is that shirt?! PACMAN?? PACMAN INDUSTRIES????"

 

**who-is-she:** "WHAT BACTERIA JUST TURNS YOUR ENTIRE HEAD INTO THE LETTER J"

 

**nyoom:** I FORGOT ABOUT THAT ONE OALSNDKVASLD

 

**who-is-she:** "DO ME A FAVOR. PUT DOWN THAT BLANK ASS PAPER, YOURE NOT LEARNING SHIT, TAKE THAT FRYING PAN OFF YOUR HEAD, AND MAKE AN APPOINTMENT FOR THE DENTIST"

 

**santa_gay:** hey speaking of dentists i have to get my wisdom teeth out soon

 

**nyoom:** i get videos of you high on laughing gas sorry i dont make the rules

 

**santa_gay:** i think the fuck not

 

**nyoom:** i think the fuck yes

 

**idontknowher:** "i think the fuck yes" oh yeah mhmm that makes perfect sense

 

**nyoom:**  h e y

 

**nyoom:** i l l   h a v e   y o u   k n o w   t h a t   i   h a v e   a   B   i n   e l a

 

**idontknowher:** that doesnt really matter if you cant apply what youve learned

 

**nyoom:** WOW

 

**davey:** i cant believe sarah just killed you holy shit

 

**santa_gay:** LMAO

 

**nyoom:** i mean i was gonna die anyway bc im. on my way to the sweet embrace of death as we speak

 

**nyoom:** ugh its gonna be so awkward and im gonna get disapproving looks the entire time and its just

 

**nyoom:** kill me now

 

**nyoom:** OH WAIT. NEVERMIND. IM GONNA DIE SOON ENOUGH ANYWAY

 

**santa_gay:** blease calm down

 

**nyoom:** ITS A LITTLE LATE FOR THAT

 

**who-is-she:** i told him to go easy on you if its any consolation

 

**who-is-she:** AND BY THE WAY IM PROUD OF YOU, WHAT YOU SAID WAS SAVAGE AF

 

**nyoom:** BLESS YOU

 

**nyoom:** also ayyyyyyyyeeeeeee

 

**nyoom:** im pretty sure like 3 people are scared of me for that but all of them are freshmen so do with that what you will lmao

 

**davey:** I JUST SAW SOME FRESHMEN SNEAKING OVER THE POOL FENCE

 

**idontknowher:** I HATE FRESHMEN,,,, WHERE ARE YOU LITTLE JERKS IM COMIN FOR YOUUUUUUU

 

**santa_gay:** I CANT BELIEVE YALL ASDJKNCALS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmu if you wanna know what race said to pulitzer because ive been trying to figure it out myself tbh,,,,,
> 
> i always come up with ideas and then never expand on them so basically i decided he said Something and then never actually decided what it was. just that Things Were Said


	12. "come back, asshole" "W H O D A R E S S U M M O N M E"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HI IM ALIVE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry for not updating since like july 25th woops

**5:34 PM**

**nyoom:** henlo you pieces of shit

 

**davey:** hewwo?? :3c

 

**nyoom:**........................i

 

**nyoom:**  i just

 

**nyoom:** i cant

 

**davey:** owo whats this?

 

**nyoom:**......................................................................

 

**davey:** connor murphy is a pure cinnamon roll who did nothing wrong uwu

 

**nyoom** is offline.

 

**davey:** welp

 

**santa_gay:** i feel blessed to have witnessed this

 

**davey:** that may be the only way to get him offline, actually

 

**who-is-she:** most likely ye

 

**santa_gay: @nyoom** come back, asshole

 

**nyoom** is online.

 

**nyoom:** W H O   D A R E S   S U M M O N   M E

 

**santa_gay:** lmao im not scared of you, youre like 12

 

**nyoom:** _im only 2 months younger than you, fuck off_

**dalmation >>> nyoom**

**dalmation:** ;)

 

**nyoom:**  s t o p

 

**davey's good christian groupchat**

**santa_gay:** i will hold those 2 months above you until the day i fucking die

 

**nyoom:**  yeah thats generally how life works buddy

 

**davey:** owo

 

**nyoom:** DONT

 

**davey:** ok

 

**dalmation:** gay

 

**nyoom:** bi, actually

 

**davey:** yes, yes i am

 

**santa_gay:** all of us are and theres no hiding it

 

**santa_gay >>> nyoom**

 

**santa_gay:** DO YOU LIKE SPOT

 

**nyoom:** no what the fucc

 

**santa_gay:** SHIT

 

**nyoom:**  lmaooo youll never be able to guess it

 

**santa_gay:** ALBERT

 

**nyoom:** nah

 

**santa_gay:**  SPECS

 

**santa_gay:** ROMEO

 

**nyoom:** neither

 

**santa_gay:** DO YOU LIKE DAVEY

**nyoom:**  nope

 

**santa_gay:** fuck

 

**santa_gay:** uhhh

 

**santa_gay:** ELMER

 

**nyoom:**  wow youre really bad at this

 

**santa_gay:**  IS IT CRUTCHIE

 

**nyoom:** no it isnt

 

**nyoom:**  and like i said before

 

**nyoom:** wow youre really bad at this

 

**santa_gay:** oh hush

 

**nyoom:** i mean if you say so

 

**nyoom**  is offline.

 

**santa_gay:** R A C E

 

**nyoom**  is online.

 

**nyoom:** LMAO GET REKT

 

**santa_gay:** IS IT KATHERINE

 

**nyoom:** oh honey not my gay (actually bi) ass

 

**santa_gay:**  SARAH

 

**nyoom:** nope

 

**santa_gay:** THERES NO ONE ELSE IN OUR FRIEND GROUP IT COULD BE WHAT THE FUCK

 

**nyoom:** nono youre forgetting someone

 

**santa_gay:** WHO

 

**nyoom:** why would i tell you lmao

 

**santa_gay:** P L E A S E

 

**nyoom:** n o p e

 

**davey's good christian groupchat**

 

**santa_gay:**  ITS BEEN A WEEK AND RACE STILL WONT TELL ME WHO HE LIKES

**nyoom:** jack its been like 3 days

 

**davey:** ^^^

 

**nyoom:** and tbh im not even being subtle at this point

 

**santa_gay:** WHAT

 

**idontknowher:** shits heating up in the groupchat fandom

 

**who-is-she:** s t o p

 

**nyoom:** i cant believe

 

**santa_gay:** me either

 

**dalmation >>> nyoom**

 

**dalmation:** ;)

 

**nyoom:** do you have to do this every time i interact with jack at all

 

**dalmation:** obviously

 

**nyoom:** so am i ever going to escape is the real question

 

**dalmation:** the answer is no

 

**dalmation:** im here to make your life a living hell

 

**nyoom:** sounds fun

 

**dalmation:** an eternity of suffering surely does sound like a Fucking Riot

 

**nyoom:** no one says that anymore

 

**dalmation:** i do, you piece of shit

 

**davey's good christian groupchat**

 

**nyoom:** breaking news: spot is that One Friend who aggressively teases you about your crush : )

 

**dalmation:** yes i am, asshole

 

**santa_gay:** oh my god

 

**idontknowher:** catch davey crying about i'll cover you reprise

 

**davey:** SHU T UP

 

**davey:** WITH A THOUSAND _FIIIIVEHUNDREDTWENTYFIVE THOOOOUSAND SIX HUNDRED MINUTES_

 

**who-is-she:** HOW DARE YOU

 

**idontknowher:** fiiiiivehundredtwentyfive thousand seeeeeaaaasonnnnnnnns oooooof

 

**idontknowher:**  loooOOOOOOO _OOOOOO **OOOOOOOOVE (I'LL COVER YOUUUUUU)**_

 

**santa_gay:** dearly beloved we gather here to say ouuuur goodbyyeeeeessss

 

**nyoom:** i hate every single one of you

 

**santa_gay:** you love us, you fuck

 

**dalmation >>> nyoom**

 

**dalmation:** ;)

 

**nyoom:** WHY

 

**davey's good christian groupchat**

 

**idontknowher:** this is the best day ever

 

**davey:** read: the absolute worst

 

**idontknowher:** s t o p

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like all of these chapters end reaaaally abruptly but its bc i dont know when/how to end things so wOOPS


	13. ;)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> o h b o y

**8:59 PM**

**santa_gay >>> nyoom**

**santa_gay:** HELP

 

**nyoom:** what

 

**santa_gay:** I THINK I HAVE A CRUSH ON DAVEY

 

**nyoom:** theres not much i can do, buddy

 

**santa_gay:** well you have experience in hiding crushes right??????

 

**nyoom:** ,,,,,,,you could say that

 

**nyoom >>> dalmation**

**nyoom:** :))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

**dalmation:** wot

 

**nyoom** has sent the file **welp.png**.

 

**nyoom:** : ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) )

 

**dalmation:** oh my god

 

**nyoom:** I KNOW

 

**nyoom:** i mean davey's the one used to me _SCREAMING_  but i cant exactly do thatat this point now can i

 

**dalmation:** i have no words

 

**dalmation:** i just

 

**dalmation:** _fuckin what_

**santa_gay >>> nyoom**

**santa_gay:** WHAT DO YOU MEAN "YOU COULD SAY THAT"

 

**nyoom:** haha

 

**santa_gay:** I MEAN I STILL DONT KNOW BUT IM JUST STUPID RIGHT

 

**nyoom:** YOURE NOT STUPID

 

**nyoom:** you just

 

**nyoom:** you

 

**nyoom:** i cant do this right now just give me like 5 minutes

 

**nyoom >>> dalmation**

**nyoom:** spot i have to tell him

 

**dalmation:** i think the fuck not

 

**nyoom:** SPOT I HAVE TO

 

**dalmation:** you need to sit yourself down and think about this, dumbass

 

**nyoom:** youre an asshole and i hate when youre right

 

**santa_gay >>> dalmation**

**santa_gay:** heyo

 

**dalmation:** what do you want

 

**santa_gay:** i wish i could say the aggression was surprising

 

**dalmation:** :/

 

**santa_gay:** anyway

 

**santa_gay:** is race okay??

 

**santa_gay:** i think i freaked him out

 

**dalmation:** AHAHAHA

 

**dalmation:** IM SORRY THIS IS JUST

 

**dalmation:** LNCALKEFNVALKFN

 

**dalmation:** THIS ENTIRE SITUATION IS RIDICULOUS

 

**santa_gay:** AM I MISSING SOMETHING OBVIOUS

 

**dalmation:** KIND OF BUT ALSO NO

 

**santa_gay:** i wish he would stop being cryptic and just FUCKING TELL ME

 

**dalmation:** O HMY GOFS

 

**dalmation:** IM LAUHGOIN SO HSADR

 

**dalmation:** THI SIS TNH BESDT

 

**santa_gay:** SHUT UP ASSHOLE

 

**santa_gay:** THIS IS SERIOUS

 

**dalmation:** OKA YOKAY

 

**dalmation:** okya

 

**dalmation:** ok

 

**dalmation:** alright

 

**dalmation:** sorry what were we talking about

 

**santa_gay:** RACE IS HIDING SOMETHING FROM ME YOU FUCK

 

**dalmation:** kNlKNLAKDFNVLAKFNVL

 

**dalmation:** IF ONLY YOU KNEW BINCH

 

**santa_gay:** i see now that you are going to be absolutely no help in this situation

 

**dalmation:** IM TRYING I JUST

 

**dalmation:** I KNOW EXACTLY WHATS HAPPENING

 

**santa_gay:** TELL ME

 

**dalmation:** no can do

 

**santa_gay:** UGH

 

**santa_gay:** IF YALL ARE DATING IM NOT GONNA BE MAD OR SOME SHIT

 

**dalmation:** NALDSKNASKNDFVLAFNV

 

**dalmation:** Y OUR EKILLING ME

 

**dalmation:** THA TCOULDNT BE FATRHE TFROM THE RTUHT

 

**santa_gay:**  i dont even know what youre fucking saying

 

**davey's good christian groupchat**

**davey:** how is everyone on this fine evening

 

**idontknowher:** we were just talking like 3 hours ago

 

**davey:** shut the fuck up dear sister of mine :)

 

**idontknowher:**......i

 

**who-is-she:** TAKE ME FOOOOOOR WHAT I AMMMMMMM, WHO I WAS MEANT TO BEEEE

 

**thesun:**  aaAAAAAAND IF YOUUUU GIVE A DAAAAAAMN, TAK EME BABY OR LEAAAVE ME

 

**who-is-she:** YESSSSSSSS

 

**thesun:** every time that song comes up i have the overwhelming urge to just scream the lyrics for the rest of the day

 

**who-is-she:** me with the mixtape version of satisfied

 

**idontknowher:** why are you so relatable

 

**who-is-she:** its a gift, what can i say

 

**santa_gay >>> dalmation**

**santa_gay:** you cant tell me because its about me is what youre saying

 

**dalmation:** no, really?

 

**santa_gay:** take your sass and put it in your pocket

 

**dalmation:** f u c k   y o u

 

**santa_gay >>> nyoom**

**santa_gay:** spot told me everything

 

**nyoom:** did he really

 

**santa_gay:** yeah

 

**nyoom:** okay so now that you know i have a giant gay crush on you (thanks spot, you asshole), are we just going to go back to normal or

 

**santa_gay:** YOU WHAT

 

**nyoom:** you did say spot told you everything

 

**santa_gay:** IM STILL TRYING TO PROCESS THIS HANG ON

 

**nyoom:** he DIDNT tell you??

 

**santa_gay:** N O

 

**nyoom:** FUCK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> o  
> h  
> b  
> o  
> y
> 
> also
> 
> catch me updating from my phone bc im too lazy to get out of bed


	14. lmao dont kill me elizabeth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ok google: my friend wants to stab me, please help
> 
> i feel like this one was a bit shorter than the other ones but like,,,,, i know it's probably one of the medium-longer chapters?? idk
> 
> also the formatting is kinda fucked
> 
> dont mind that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my friend elizabeth read this and was literally gonna fuckin riot lmao
> 
> so
> 
> eliza if youre reading this
> 
> blease dont kill me
> 
> this has been a psa

****1:34 AM** **

 

**nyoom:** DAVEY KATH FKTNWKFNWKD

 

 

**davey:** wHAT

 

 

**nyoom:** _CALLBACKS YOU FUCKS_

 

**davey:** AAAAAA _AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA_

__

 

**who-is-she:** FHRJROWFHWOD

 

 

**nyoom:** IM ABOUT TO MCFREAKIN LOSE IT

 

 

**1:36 AM**

 

**davey:** AAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

 

**nyoom:** _AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA_

 

**who-is-she:** _ AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA _

__

 

**nyoom:** w8

 

 

**nyoom:** go back to the list

 

 

**nyoom:** and look up from my name just a bit

 

 

**davey:** what the fuck

 

 

**who-is-she:** what the fuck

 

 

**nyoom:** yep

 

 

**nyoom:** you read that correctly folks

 

 

**nyoom:** morris delancey got a damn callback

 

 

**davey:** i mean we've never heard him sing so maybe hes actually good??

 

 

**who-is-she:** he wouldnt get a callback if he wasnt tho

 

 

**nyoom:** tru tru

 

 

**dalmation:** listen yall i hate to crash this callback party but like

 

 

**dalmation:** look up a bit from there ;)

 

 

**1:39 AM**

 

**nyoom:** OKAY I NEEDED A GOOD AMOUNT OF TIME TO PROCESS T HIS

 

 

**nyoom:** _SPOT YOU W H A T_

 

**dalmation:** ;)

 

 

**davey:** I CANNOT B E L I E V E

 

 

**who-is-she:** wait we're forgetting someone

 

 

**who-is-she: @idontknowher** h e l l o a r e y o u a l i v e

 

 

**idontknowher:** wot

 

 

**1:42 AM**

 

**idontknowher:** _WOT_

 

**davey:** JEJFIWBDOWHW

 

 

**nyoom:** BIG MOOD

 

 

**thesun:**  w o t   i s   g o i n g   o n   h e e e e r e

 

 

**santa_gay:** _BEKFAST_

 

**davey:** i hATE YALL FKFHWIFJW

 

 

**nyoom:** _W H I C H   O N E   O F   Y O U   D O E S N T   K N O W   H O W   T O   F L U S H   T H E   D A M N   T O I L E T   A F T E R   T A K I N   A   S H E T ?_

 

**nyoom:** it wasnt me--

 

 

**nyoom:** _W E L L   I T   W A S   F O C K I N   O N E   O F   Y A S . **D E S K O S T I N G**_

__

 

**who-is-she:** dnejajdvekrjajzjrjNHeusisb

 

 

**davey:** _R A C E_

 

**thesun:** GIEBWKFJWIF

 

 

**idontknowher:** HOW COULD YOU

 

 

**davey:** IN MY GOOD CHRISTIAn you know what

 

 

**davey:** _fuck the good christian groupchat_

 

**nyoom:** dmghwofjsjf

 

 

 

**who-is-she:** HASA DIGA EEBOWAI

 

**santa_gay:** THEYRE SAYING F YOU TO HEAVENLY FATHER!

 

**thesun:** _BUT I SAID IT, LIKE, 13 TIMES!!!_

**11:53 PM**

**dalmation:** sooooooooo

**dalmation:** today has been

**dalmation:** ,,,,interesting

**nyoom:** yeah no shit

 

**davey:** what happened??

**nyoom:** nothing                                                   

 

**nyoom:** nothing happened at all

 

**who-is-she:** wow tension

 

**who-is-she:** imma just

 

**who-is-she:** nope out of this conversation real quick

 

**who-is-she:** bye yall

 

**idontknowher:** w o w

 

**thesun:** wait ok

 

**thesun:** i know im the lord of drama

 

**thesun:** but i have no idea whats going on here

 

**thesun:** so can someone fill me in??

 

**dalmation:** i gotchu

 

**davey:** im confused too????

 

**davey:** spot, give me the good info

 

**dalmation:** i wish i could

 

**dalmation:** but its confidential information

 

**davey:** oh rip

 

**7:06 AM**

**davey >>> nyoom**

**davey:** are you okay??

 

**nyoom:** im fine, why?

 

**davey:** you seemed like something was bothering you last night, i just wanted to make sure

**nyoom:** oh ok

 

**nyoom:** god youre such a mom

 

**davey:** lmao yep, thats me

 

**davey:** the Token Mom Friend(tm)

 

**davey’s good christian groupchat**

**santa_gay:** whats good yall

 

**who-is-she:** this drama, damn

 

**santa_gay:** what drama?? :0

 

**who-is-she:**....

 

**who-is-she:** what drama

 

**who-is-she:** _what drama_

**who-is-she:** _B I N C H_

**santa_gay:** WHAT DRAMA

 

**dalmation:** The Drama

 

**santa_gay:** WHY ARE YALL DANCING AROUND THE SUBJECT

 

**santa_gay:** _W H A T D R A M A Y O U F U C C S_

**thesun:** the drama that i have recently been informed of

 

**santa_gay:** okay but what does that m e a n

 

**dalmation:** things

 

**idontknowher:** stuff

 

**thesun:** assorted items

 

**dalmation:** a number of possessions, the purpose of which is unspecified

 

**santa_gay:** osdnadkvnalsd

 

**santa_gay >>> dalmation**

**santa_gay:** normally i would go to race to say this but i dont think he would be thrilled to talk about this s o

 

**santa_gay:** i might ask davey out soon??

 

**dalmation:** 1) yeah i dont think he would be thrilled to talk to you a t   a l l 2) e x c u s e m e 3) consider your options is all im gonna say,,,,

 

**dalmation:**  anyway back to #2.you didnt have to tell me i was only your second choice damn

 

**dalmation:** youre a real charmer, jack

 

**dalmation:** please dont say that to dave if you ask him, yeezus

 

**santa_gay:** that would get me six feet under the fuck

 

**dalmation:** wait didnt you j u s t find out you liked him

 

**santa_gay:** yeah im not the brightest individual

 

**dalmation:** no, really?

 

**dalmation:** “spot told me everything” did i now

 

**santa_gay:** hey

 

**santa_gay:** that was a good plan

 

**dalmation:** _that was a terrible plan what the fuck_

**santa_gay:** shut up asshole, youre just jealous that race is in love with me

 

**dalmation:** 1) its not called being in love, its called having a crush on a glorified version of you. i dont want to tell that to him because im actually not an asshole, contrary to popular belief 2) literally why would i have any reason to be jealous of you. youre literally everything i strive not to be.

 

**santa_gay:** you two were a thing for a while tho right??

 

**dalmation:** no, who told you that?

 

**santa_gay:** i mean i always kinda assumed (never a good thing to do)

 

**dalmation:** haha yeah like how you assumed that your stupid plan would d e f i n i t e l y work out

 

**santa_gay:** drop it, for fucks sake

 

**dalmation:** ahaha no

 

**dalmation:** no can do my buddy my pal my amigo my friendo my frond my fren

 

**santa_gay:** :////

 

**dalmation:** brand stealer

 

**davey’s good christian groupchat**

**santa_gay:** wow i love arguing with spot for no fucking reason

 

**dalmation:** wow i love jack whining in the groupchat because he knows im right

**dalmation:** and this was your fault, so dont even start

 

**santa_gay:** SEE

 

**idontknowher:** o jeez

 

**idontknowher:** o   j e e z

 

**idontknowher:** _a w   j e e z   s c o o b_

**who-is-she:** im shook

 

**thesun:** wow

 

**thesun:** i

 

**thesun:** ,,,,wow

 

**santa_gay:** HA

 

**santa_gay:** CRUTCHIE AGREES WITH ME

 

**thesun:** actually no

 

**thesun:** that was kinda a shitty thing to do so uh

 

**thesun:** yeahhhhh no

 

**santa_gay:**  I THOUGHT YOUD BE DEFENDING ME

 

**thesun:** nope

 

**davey:** ohhh shit

 

**santa_gay:** DZADZHDJD

 

**davey:** im so out of the loop rn but this is honestly so entertaining

 

**idontknowher:** fr tho

 

**who-is-she:** i mean basically

 

**santa_gay:** im glad you find my suffering amusing

 

**dalmation:** binch i do too the fuck

 

**santa_gay:** jesus christ

 

**10:23 AM** **  
**

 

**nyoom:** catch me chewing on the end of my pen again

 

**davey:** thats disgusting

 

**nyoom:** sHHHhshhhHHHhhhHH

 

**davey:** I WI LL NOT BE S ILENCED

 

**dalmation:** thats the most typos i have ever seen from you

 

**dalmation:** and they arent even r e a l typos

 

**nyoom:** this is typo erasure

 

**davey:**  ah fuck.i cant believe youve done this.

 

**davey:** WAIT TYPO ERASURE ALKSNDVAKSDNC

 

**nyoom:** _DID YOU JUST SEE THAT_

 

**davey:** _Y ES_

 

**nyoom:** IM GONNA SCREAM

 

**santa_gay:** TYPO ERASURE I C A NT

 

**dalmation:** FR THO

 

**12:23 PM**

 

**nyoom:** im so bored. kill me

 

**davey:** we're literally sitting at the same table in class right now. what the fuck. you wound me.

 

**nyoom:** IM S O R R Y BUT YOU ACTUALLY L I S T E N DURING CLASS UNLIKE N O R M A L P E O P L E

 

 

**2:46 PM**

 

**davey:** when are yall going in for your callbacks  **@dalmation @nyoom @who-is-she @idontknowher**

 

**who-is-she:** uhhhhhhhhh shit man idk

 

**dalmation:** thats a Mood

 

**idontknowher:** friday after school?? lmao

 

**nyoom:** _i dont even know if im going bc im getting sick_

 

**davey:** AHSHITMAN

 

**idontknowher:** ^^^

 

**dalmation:** TAKE SOME MEDICINE AND GET SOME REST

 

**dalmation:** STAY HOME UNTIL FRIDAY AND THEN COME BACK

 

**dalmation:** DONT DIE

 

**davey:** i cant believe spot just stole my mom friend thing. wow

 

**dalmation:** yall think im not used to this piece of shit getting sick at literally the worst times

 

**nyoom:** what can i say?? its a talent lmao

 

**idontknowher:** do you regret..... no, i'd do it again........ i'd like to believe that i'd do it aGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAAAAAAAIIIIIN AAAAAND

 

**who-is-she:** im going to stop you right fucking there

 

**davey:** WHAAAAT MORE CAN I SAY, HOW AM I TO FACE TOMORROW AFTER BEING SCREWED OUT OF TODAAAAAY

 

**idontknowher:** YES. THANK YOU

 

**nyoom:** I HATE YOU BOTH

 

**davey:** LMAO

 

**nyoom:** HOW COULD YALL

 

**dalmation:** WE WERE ROOTING FOR YOU, WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU!!!

 

**idontknowher:** LKASDKNASLDC S P O T

 

**who-is-she:** once i was told.... that gooood meeeeen get better wiiith aaaaage

 

**nyoom:** _we're just gonna skip that stage_

 

**davey:** brb crying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> notice that jack and race are almost never talking in the gc at the same time anymore
> 
> its because
> 
> race doesnt want to talk to jack
> 
> lmao i love hurting myself more than i hurt yall :' )


	15. i lost motivation but i got yall (this IS a chapter!)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lmao im alive hi how ya doin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the formatting might be Fucked(tm) and its really short, which is generally something i try to avoid, but hey, at least its something???

**4:33 AM**

**davey:** SOMEONE TELL ME GOOD SONGS FOR THE CALLBACK BECAUSE ITS IN 2 DAYS AND IM NERVOUS

**nyoom:** UM

 

**nyoom:** UH

 

**nyoom:** FUCKIN

 

**who-is-she:** UHHHHHHHHH

 

**idontknowher:** _SHIT WE DONT KNOW ANY_

**dalmation:** _sing sincerely me, i fuckin dare you_

**who-is-she:** see, spot's the devil on your shoulder

 

**nyoom:** the rest of us are the angels?? lmao bYE

 

**idontknowher:** davey please dont do that

 

**davey:** im gonna

 

**who-is-she:** _dont_

**davey:** _im gonna_

**nyoom:** okay fine

 

**nyoom:** thats fine

 

**nyoom:** this is fine

 

**idontknowher:** you better sing evan's part i s2g i'll disown you

 

**davey:** WOW

 

**11:45 AM**

**santa_gay:** one normal night is literally such a bop what the fuck

 

**davey:** big mood

 

**who-is-she:** oooOOOOONE!! ALL I WANT. ALL I ASK. THEY'LL TEND MY EVERY NEEEEED

 

**davey:** WHEN WE ARRIVE WE'LL COME ALIVE TO MAKE THIS NIGHT SUCCEED

 

**nyoom:** JUST BE RESPECTABLE, DON'T MAKE AN ODD REMARK

 

**idontknowher:** KEEP UNDETECTABLE OUR PASSION FOR THE DARK

 

**who-is-she:** AND THEN ITS PAAARADISE RIGHT HERE IN CENTRAL PAAAARK

 

**dalmation:** so what did we learn today kids?

 

**davey:** we learned that theatre kids are fucking hardcore


	16. school is kicking my ass but yet again i got yall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lmao kill me

**2:11 AM**

**nyoom:** me: im gonna listen to the falsettos boot in the background while i work on this assignment!! :)

 

also me, constantly going back to the video:  _BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY SLAAAVERYYY SLAAAAAVERYYYY FOUR JEWS IN A ROOM IN A ROOM BITCHING BIIIITCH BITCH. BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH RIIIIIIIGHT ORRRRRR WRONG lovE ISNT SEX, THATS A THING MY HUSBAND ONCE TOLD ME, MARVIN MY EX, WELL YOUVE SEEN HIM FOR YEARS DONT MAKE NOISE BUT DADDY'S KISSING. BOOOOOOOOYS P E T T Y P E T T Y P E T T Y P E T T Y LOOOOOVE IS BLIIIIIND LOVE CAN TELL A MIIIILION STOORIIIIIES LOOOOOOVES UNKIIIIIND SPITEFUL IN A MILLION WAYS LOVE IS CRAZY LOVE IS OFTEN BORING LOVE STINKS, LOVE IS PRETTY OFTEN DEBRIS WHEN YOU FIND WHAT YOU FIND THEN NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER DO IT OVER AGAIN, LOVE READS LIKE A BAD BIOGRAPHY, ALL THE NAMES ARE CHANGED TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT, LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS BLIND. my name is mendel. i treat her husband. i think she's very insecure. but so aM IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII. ive never married. work, work is my passion. or perhaps thats an aaaalibi. YEAH PERHAPS IT IS haha i dont care to discuss it. i think shes charming. i think shes needyyyyy in just 5 sessions on my couch, she'll bE LIKE NEEEEEEEW hiiiiiiIIIS NAAAAME IS MENDEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAaaaahhhhhhh return next fridaaaaay. i admit i admire you HANG UP ALL YOUR CLOTHES whizzer begs WHIZZER KNOWS shave your legs MAKE ME SICK youre a prick G O D Y O U R E I M P O S S I B L E we've been together for 9 months (10 months) 9 months (10 months) 9 (10) MONTHS i would kill for that thrill i would kill for that thrill i would kill for that thrill i would kill for that thrill i would kill for that thrill of first. love. love. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE my father says that love is the most beautiful thing in the world. i think gAMES AAAARE i think cHESS IS THE MOST.... beauuuUUUTIIIIFUUUL THIIIIIIIIING... not loooooooooove MY FATHERS A HOMO, MY MOTHERS NOT THRILLED AT ALL jason blease see a psychiatrist NO j a s o n b l e a s e LEMME TALK TO WHIZZER whizzer do you think i should see a psychiatrist HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..... iiiiiiiim not sure jason. (O W) jason maybe so. (A H E M) aaaaabsolutely, jason. OKAY I'LL GO._ _ **LATE FOR DINNER LATE AGAIN LATE FOR DINNER LATE AGAIN LATE FOR DINNER LATE AGAIN LATE FOR DINNER LATE LATE LATE LATE**_ _ **LATE FOR DINNER LATE AGAIN LATE FOR DINNER LATE AGAIN LATE FOR DINNER LATE AGAIN LATE FOR DINNER LATE LATE LATE LATE**_ _ **LATE FOR DINNER LATE AGAIN LATE FOR DINNER LATE AGAIN LATE FOR DINNER LATE AGAIN LATE FOR DINNER LATE LATE LATE LATE**_ _i'd like to be a princess on a throne. to have a country i could call my oWN and a kiiiing who's lusty and requires a fling with a,,,,,, female thing. gREAAAAAAAT MEN WILL BE MEN. LET ME TURN ON THE G A S... i caught them in the den,,, with marvin grabbing whizzer's a s s. oh sure im sure he's sure he did his best. i mean he meant to be what he was not. the things he was are things wHICH IIII FORGOOOOT he's a queen iM A QUEEN WHERE IS MY CROWN IM BREAKING DOWN. IM BREAKING DOWN. MY LIFE IS SHITTY N MY KID SEEMS LIKE AN I D I O T TO ME I MEAN THATS SICK. I MEAN HE'S G R E A T! IT'S ME WHO IS THE MATTER TALKING MADDER THAN THE MADDEST HATTER please come to our house and talk a bit with jason its a sLIGHT exaggeration but he's sick in the head OH SURE sometimes you'll think he's wonderful but hes wild, im sure he's mAAAARVIIIIN'S CHILD what should i say to the man should i be mean to the man JUST BE YOURSELF i'll be myself STOP ASKING QUESTIONS BE YOURSELF i'll be myself DONT BE DISGUSTING BE YOURSELF  W H Y   D O N T   Y O U   F E E L   A L R I G H T   F O R   T H E   R E S T   O F   Y O U R   L I F E is this therapy? **PSYCHIATRIST RETUURNING RETUUUUUURNING  I S   T H I S   T H E R A P Y ? LOOK LOOK LOOK LOOK LOOK ITS A LESBIAN FROM NEXT DOOOOR FOLLOWED BY HER LOVER WHO'S A LESBIAN FROM NEXT DOOR TOO**_

**davey:** wow how long did that take to type

 

**nyoom:** 20 fucking minutes so yall better appreciate my memery

 

**nyoom:** my fingers hurt why did i do this

 

**davey:** nothing is stronger than the primal urge to type a long joke, go up stairs on all fours, or scream in the woods

 

**nyoom:** why screaming in the woods lol

 

**davey:** _have you ever tried it_

**nyoom:** n o

 

**davey:** _you should_

**nyoom:** w hy

 

**davey:** _just trust me on this_

 

**nyoom:** _d a v e y   w h y_

**davey:** _T R U S T   M E_

**nyoom:** _D A V I D   J A C O B S_

**nyoom:** _W H Y   S H O U L D   I   S C R E A M   I N   T H E   F U C K I N G   W O O D S_

**davey:** _J U S T   F U C K I N G   T R Y   I T_

**nyoom:** _D A V I D_

**davey:** _R A C E_

**idontknowher:** _K A T H_

**who-is-she:** _S A R A H_

**thesun:** _S P O T_

**dalmation:** _C R U T C H I E_

**2:23 AM**

**nyoom:** ok but i wasnt kidding when i said my fingers hurt

 

**nyoom:** im doing The Absolute Most for my memes and i regretti

 

**dalmation:** maybe do A Little Less for your memes, child

 

**nyoom:** _youre younger than me_

**dalmation:** aaaaactually, no

 

**nyoom:** WHAT

 

**dalmation:** yeah im older than you by half a year

 

**nyoom:** but youre so

 

**dalmation:** _dont_

**nyoom:** _short_

**dalmation:** FUCK

 

**davey:** lkansldknasdlvLCNASKDNC

 

**dalmation:** ok no its not my fault the rest of you are fucking giants

 

**thesun:** im not lmao

 

**dalmation:**.......fuck off

 

**thesun:** wow rude

 

**idontknowher:** _MARCH MARCH MARCH OF THE FALSETTOS_

**idontknowher:** every time i listen to more racquetball i just. gross sob. i dont even have to watch the scene, i just Cry anyway

 

**who-is-she:** god same

 

**nyoom:** something bad is happening something very bad is happening

 

**davey:** STOP IT, ALL OF YOU, H E A T H E N S

 

**dalmation:** _shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh_

**idontknowher:** "you seem to be on the road to recovery!!" its like,,,, no im pretty sure whizzer knows whats really happening, he's a grown ass man

 

**nyoom:** how to make me cry in 2 easy steps: 1. play what would i do. 2. sit back and watch the tears

 

**nyoom:** im not even kidding, thats literally how to do it

 

**nyoom:** alternatively, in 3 steps: 1. play today 4 u. 2. play i'll cover you (reprise). 3. sit back and watch the tears

 

**davey:** _stop it_

**davey:** _i relate too much to this_

**who-is-she:** shall we test that theory

 

**nyoom:** _no_

**who-is-she:** fucc u rite let's not


	17. HEYOOO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> YA BITCH IS ON HOLIDAY BREAK AND INSPIRATION STRUCK
> 
> hey also i have a habit of overdramatizing things dont mind mE--

**5:56 AM**

**nyoom >>> davey**

**nyoom:** davey im shookdt as fuck

 **davey:** oof

 **davey:** what did jack do now

 **nyoom:** EXCUSE YOU

 **davey:** anyway

 **nyoom:** ...i

 **nyoom:** ok

 **nyoom:** you know how we decided "hey lets start planning our competition songs in case we're picked"

 **nyoom:** well i may or may not have thrown a wrench into all of my plans by listening to waitress

 **davey:** so what youre saying is that you did the one thing i told you not to do

 **nyoom:** yes

 **davey:** i hate this fucking family

 **nyoom:** YOU LOVE ME

 **davey:** FUCK OFF

 **davey:** hold the fuck up why are you awake

 **nyoom:** i could say the same thing to you

 **davey:** yikes youre right

**davey's good christian groupchat**

**davey:** someone give me a reason to go to sleep

 **dalmation:** uh

 **nyoom:** there are no good reasons, davey, you know this

 **nyoom:** so my advice is to listen to what baking can do

 **nyoom:** i have no self control and i cant stop mid-song?? and then i forget to stop when the song is over so i've been listening to it for like an hour

 **nyoom:** this is a wild experience and i recommend it

 **dalmation:** did you listen to waitress and change your song list

 **nyoom:** fuck you

 **nyoom:** yes

 **dalmation:** wow you wish

 **nyoom:** gross

 **davey:** oof spot's entire existence

 **nyoom:** i am a luxury few can afford

 **nyoom:** no im not my standards are so low i could date the inner core of the earth's crust

 **dalmation:** OH YM GDO

 **davey:** LKNASLKDNCALKSDNC

 **nyoom:** im hip with the kids

 **dalmation:** RACE ITS TIME TO S T OP

 **nyoom:** what is this... "stop".... you speak of

 **davey:** N O ALNCALSKDN O O F

**santa_gay >>> nyoom**

**santa_gay:** we need to talk about this, and you can't ignore me because i know you're awake

 **nyoom:** you can talk at me but i cant guarantee many responses

 **santa_gay:** i'll take it

 **santa_gay:** i know i messed up really bad

 **santa_gay:** you weren't ready to tell me anything and i kept pushing you for information which was the wrong way to handle things in the first place

 **santa_gay:** and then i tricked you into telling me which was obviously also wrong

 **santa_gay:** i wasnt thinking about the consequences or how you would feel

 **nyoom:** are you just now realizing this or

 **santa_gay:** at least im apologizing??

 **nyoom:** think before you speak jesus fucking christ jack

 **nyoom:** sorry doesnt cut it when you play with someone's fucking feelings

**davey's good christian groupchat**

**davey:** race, did you already edit your song list?

 **nyoom:** yep

 **who-is-she:** YOU HAD ONE JOB

 **nyoom:** ITS TOO LATE NOW OOF

 **davey:** CHILDREN PLEASE, THE ADULTS ARE TALKING

 **dalmation:** FUCK YOU MOM

 **davey:** RUDE

 **davey:** ANYWay

 **davey:** so another change wont hurt, right??

 **nyoom:** no???? i guess not????

 **davey:** good, i have an idea

 **nyoom:** w h a t

 **davey:**  im just gonna say rn, full disclosure, its pretty crazy

 **who-is-she:** i see you with that full disclosure reference

 **davey:** n i c e

 **davey:** full disclosure its a game that we play

 **idontknowher:** _STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP_

 **davey:** let your darkest secrets give you away

 **idontknowher:** _STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP_

 **davey:** face your demons and then happily say im playing full disclosure with all these crazy happy people

 **nyoom:** i need that meme bird so it can say (inhale) _FULL DISCLOSURE_

 **davey:** S T O P

**nyoom >>> davey**

**nyoom:** boy do i have a tale for you

 **davey:** this is extremely concerning. go on

 **nyoom:** so you know i would die for jack but did you know that everything i just said is now very past tense

 **davey:** oh god

 **davey:** thats the Drama™ you guys were talking about isnt it

 **nyoom:** yep

 **nyoom:** so he tricked me into telling him everything and im pissed

 **davey:** i would be too because thats manipulation no matter how he spins it

 **nyoom:** thank you!!! my thoughts exactly!!

 **nyoom:** but the worst part is that i didnt want to say anything and accidentally kill our friendship and then i fuckinf

 **nyoom:** killed it _anyway_

 **davey:** this is not your fault, and it sounds like you weren't the one who actually killed it

 **nyoom:** davey i said "okay so now that you know i have a giant gay crush on you (thanks spot, you asshole), are we just going to go back to normal or" DO YOU SEE MY _PROBLEM HERE_

 **nyoom:** I WANT TO GO BACK IN TIME AND MURDER MY PAST SELF TO SAVE ME FROM MY OWN STUPIDITY

 **davey:** wow alright calm down there buddy

 **nyoom:** im calm im chill im fine this is fine

 **nyoom:** except that hes trying to talk about it like adults and i keep sassing him but i cant stop and i already said sorry doesnt cut it so haha :)

 **davey:** jesus

 **davey:** block him until you can figure yourself out

 **davey:** and then try to talk things out

 **nyoom:** i love it when youre right bc it makes my existence less painful

 **davey:** jESUS

**nyoom >>> santa_gay**

**nyoom:** wow shoulda done this a long time ago

 **santa_gay:** done what

 **nyoom** has blocked **santa_gay**.

**nyoom >>> davey**

**nyoom:** I APPARENTLY CANNOT FOLLOW SIMPLE INSTRUCTIONS

 **davey:** did you sass him again

 **nyoom:** YES

 **davey:** okay welp,, guess youre not allowed to see him at all then rip

 **nyoom:** wait what

 **davey:** well my plan w a s to let you see him like, in the hallways, but i dont want to risk things getting worse so yeah

 **davey:** a new rule is in place

 **nyoom:** what, are you gonna escort me to classes or something?

 **davey:** well,,,,

 **nyoom:** oh my god

 **nyoom:** okay actually you know what? if it means i cant make things worse somehow,  i'll take it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof


	18. shoulda (keyboard) smashed sooner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! the reason this took so long is because i think it's time i step out of my comfort zone for some bits of this chapter and switch from the chat format. the next events feel too important to write so informally, so this chapter is a test to see how things work out. if they don't, it's back to chat we go, and i'll write this into a chat version of the same events, but if it works, look forward to seeing some more formal writing until the kiddos figure things out :) love yall!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @Jacky_think_about_it i found the exact email thread in which i revealed to you the thing about davey because i wanted to know if i disclosed real plans or just The Thing oof

 

**4:21 AM**

 

**nyoom >>> davey**

 

 **nyoom:** FUCK why am i so EMO

 

 **davey:** go ahead, tell me it isn't a phase

 

 **nyoom:** …..i snorted how dare you

 

 **davey:** so why are you dying inside rn

 

 **nyoom:** i fuckinuhhhhh managed to make things worse and i now crave the sweet embrace of death

 

 **davey:** j e s u s

 

 **nyoom:** R I G H T ?

 

 **davey:** how do you just… make things worse

 

 **davey:** like i thought things were As Bad As They Could Get how the fuck

 

 **nyoom:** WELL LEMME TELL YOU A TALE

 

 **nyoom:** it has recently been brought to my attention by myself that im not only in love with my best friend of five (5) years but a l s o in love with someone e l s e and listen buddy just. end it ya feel

 

 **davey:** yeah that'll do it

 

 **davey:** so i gotta ask

 

 **davey:** whomst

 

 **nyoom:** you have to promise not to laugh

 

 **davey:** i would never

 

 **nyoom:** all those jokes about me having a thing for spot??

 

 **davey:** oh my g o d

 

 **nyoom:** rIGHT??? what has my life come to

 

 **davey:** becky thought my tail was big

 

 **davey:** becky used to _lemme s m a s h_

 

 **davey:** but becky is smashin ben

 

 **davey:** ben is a hoe

 

 **nyoom:** need sticc got sticc beccy i got sticc lemme _smash_

 

**4:33 AM**

 

 **nyoom:** legally blonde is a mood when youre sad

 

 **davey:** you need to sleep

 

 **davey:** wait the musical itself or the song

 

 **nyoom:** love how you didnt mention the movie at all bc you know me enough to know i only watch the musical, but the song

 

 **davey:** g o d

 

 **davey:** should i come over

 

 **nyoom:** mmmmmm no i'll be ok

 

 **nyoom:** i mean i always have been and i used to just not talk about things so ????? youve already helped more than you know

 

 **davey:** oh my god how are you alive

 

 **nyoom:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

**4:41 AM**

 

 **nyoom:** wait

 

 **nyoom:** why were you awake?

 

 **davey:** i could say the same to you

 

 **nyoom:** you?? know why i was up???? i started getting super emo and i couldnt stop????????

 

 **nyoom:** but youre a ~mystery~

 

 **davey:** if you _really wanna know_

 

 **davey:** i was thinking

 

 **nyoom:** ,,,,,about??

 

 **davey:** someone

 

 **nyoom:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **davey:** oh my god, are you 12?

 

 **nyoom:** LMAO OOF

 

 **nyoom:** GUESS I'LL DIE

 

 **davey:** wait i have an idea

 

 **davey:** i propose: another gc

 

 **davey:** but with all the theatre people

 

 **nyoom:** BIH!!!!!!!! DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 **davey:** LMAO ALRIGHT IM GONNA GO DOWN THE LIST AND ADD EVERYONE I HAVE

 

 **nyoom:** N I C E

 

**4:50 AM**

 

 **davey** has created a group chat.

 

 **davey** has renamed the chat to " **theatre competition** ".

 

 **davey** has added **who-is-she** , **dalmation** , **nyoom** , **idontknowher** , **delancey** **1** , **delancey 2** , **munsh** , **@snapchat** , **albo** , and **sticky_sticky_boi** to the chat.

 

 **sticky_sticky_boi:** why are we here just to suffer

 

 **sticky_sticky_boi** has changed their name to **elmer**.

 

 **elmer:** much better

 

 **nyoom: @@snapchat** whomst

 

 **@snapchat:** ;)

 

 **munsh:** its specs

 

 **munsh:** snapchat didnt @ him when they made snapchat specs

 

 **munsh:** hes an angery angery boi

 

 **@snapchat:** THEY STOLE MY BRAND AND EVERYONE JUST _WENT WITH IT_ OK

 

 **nyoom:** angeriest boio there

 

 **davey:** i have a singular question

 

 **elmer:** ye??

 

 **davey:** WHY THE _FUCK_ ARE WE ALL AWAKE

 

 **munsh:** huh

 

 **munsh:** well

 

 **@snapchat:** uhhhh

 

 **davey:** exactly.

 

 **davey:** so GO TO SLEEP

 

 **@snapchat:** DOES ANYONE REMEMBER WHEN I WAS THE MOM FRIEND

 

 **munsh:** DARK DAYS, MY BOY,  D A R K   D A Y S

 

 **@snapchat:** AKSDNCLAKNVLKN

 

 **dalmation:** congratulations you win the award for first keyboard smash

 

 **munsh:** OH MAN I WANTED THAT :(

 

 **dalmation:** SHOULDA SMASHED A LITTLE EARLIER

 

 **dalmation:** wait

 

 **dalmation:** WAIT NO

 

 **dalmation:** I TAKE IT BACK I TAKE IT B A C K

 

 **nyoom:** _OOF_

 

 **davey:** roblox death noise

 

 **davey:** OKAY ANYWAY

 

 **davey:** i made this chat so we have somewhere to share plans/ideas/criticisms (constructive) for the competition so we can get better for the future!

 

 **nyoom:** when you texted me ten minutes ago i thought you just meant another chat to endlessly meme in the ungodly hours of the night but this works too--

 

 **dalmation:** why did i expect any better from you

 

 **nyoom:** idk but you shouldnt have

 

 **delancey 1:** ^^^

 

 **dalmation** has kicked **delancey 1**.

 

 **dalmation:** : ) demon begone : )

 

 **delancey 2:** fucking excuse me

 

 **dalmation** has kicked **delancey 2**.

 

 **nyoom:** ,,,,,mood

 

 **dalmation:** WAIT

 

 **dalmation:** WHAT DAY IS IT

 

 **davey:** friday?

 

 **dalmation:** WHAT DAY ARE CALLBACKS

 

 **davey:** ….friday

 

 **davey:** FUCK

 

 **nyoom:** GUESS WE'LL DIE

 

**davey: @idontknowher @who-is-she @albo**

 

 **albo:** oh hey whats this

 

 **munsh:** owo whats this??

 

 **davey:** blocked. reported. unfriended. my mom is calling your mom and you're uninvited from my sweet sixteen beach bash birthday party.

 

 **munsh:** :(

 

 **albo:** oof

 

 **albo:** why did you summon me

 

 **davey:** CALLBACKS ARE _TODAY_

 

 **albo:** they're what

 

 **albo:** they're WHAT

 

 **albo:** _SON OF A_

 

 **idontknowher:** HECKING FUCK

 

**davey >>> idontknowher**

 

 **davey:** why did i just hear the front door

 

 **idontknowher:** no reason

 

 **davey:** did you sneak out?

 

 **idontknowher:** no

 

 **davey:** if you did, you know i wouldnt tell anyone

 

 **idontknowher:** oh god dammit yes i did

 

 **davey:** exactly

 

 **davey:** why?

 

 **idontknowher:** i went to visit katherine

 

 **davey:** ;)

 

 **idontknowher:** it wasnt like that you ass

 

 **davey:** ;(

 

 **idontknowher:** im kidding little bro ily

 

 **davey:** :)

 

 **davey:** love you too <3

 

 **idontknowher:** nerd

 

 **idontknowher:** <3

 

 **idontknowher** is offline.

 

**6:39 AM**

 

**davey's good christian groupchat**

 

 **thesun:** good luck callback people!! you're gonna be great :)

 

 **santa_gay:** THOSE ARE TODAY?

 

 **thesun:** ,,,yeah no one knew except me, apparently

 

 **santa_gay:** you're not even one of the people it concerns how were you the only one alsdnvalsknv

 

 **thesun:** _i know_

 

 **davey:** we're all very irresponsible, that's how

 

 **nyoom:** ^^^^^^^^^^^^  m e

 

 **nyoom:** im not getting sick apparently tho so that's good

 

 **thesun:** bless

 

 **nyoom:** lksnvlans right??

 

**3:31 PM**

 

 **thesun:** alright yall!! have fun and don't stress about this too much! good luck!

 

 **dalmation:** crutchie is a constant blessing

 

 **thesun:** :')

 

\---

 

"We're gonna die," Davey said, mostly to himself. Race shrugged, quickening his pace just a bit.

 

"Guess we'll die." Race casually opened the door to the auditorium and walked in as if he owned the place. (He was there often enough that it was practically true, anyway.)

 

Davey followed him, quite obviously more nervous than he was pretending to be."I don't see how you're so relaxed about this! My anxiety has been through the roof ever since Crutchie told us not to worry! What if I forget the words? I don't have anyone to back me up and take over if that happens! I can barely do solo presentations as it is, this is going to be so--"

 

Race turned to him, surprised. "Davey, you're here for a reason. You wouldn't have gotten a callback if you were as bad as you thought you were. Medda sees something in you that she thinks is worth the time or she wouldn't have even considered you in the first place." Davey stared at him for a second, wide-eyed. He said everything like it was so _obvious_. This was not the Race he was used to. "That's just how I see it."

 

"When did you get so smart?"

 

"When I started to hang out with you all the time. How _dare_ you turn me into a nerd? Absolutely rude."

 

Davey placed a hand on his shoulder, sighing and shaking his head. "Sweetie… I hate to break it to you… but you were always a nerd."

 

Race gasped in mock offense. "I can't believe this! My own best friend, betraying me!" He looked around for a second before spotting what he must have been searching for. "Spot, defend my honor!"

 

Spot raised an eyebrow, thoroughly unamused. "The _fuck_? What honor?"

 

"I am offended. This is biphobia."

 

\---

 

**3:34 PM**

 

**davey's good christian groupchat**

 

 **thesun:** so it turns out i can come watch you guys!! me and jack will both be there to cheer you on with finch and romeo!

 

 **davey:** we love you guys!! spot and race are bickering again, sorry!

 

\---

 

"Hey, this doesn't start until four, right?" Spot asked.

 

Davey nodded. "Yeah, and then it's death time."

 

"...well, anyway. We have over 20 minutes to mess around--"

 

"--or practice, and/or freak out."

 

"Jesus, Davey, when did you become such a pessimist?"

 

"I've always been a pessimist! It's just that no one ever notices!"

 

\---

 

**3:36 PM**

 

 **nyoom:** oh how the turns have tabled

 

 **nyoom:** davey and spot are bickering now

 

 **nyoom:** guess i'll die

 

 **thesun:** you say that a lot, im starting to worry about you

 

 **nyoom:** ,,,,,,,,,,i mean i started saying it ironically and now i cant stop, soooo

 

 **thesun:** oof

 

 **thesun:** it's comforting that you dont actually wanna die tho

 

 **nyoom:** yEAH A LITTLE BIT ASLNVASLKDVN

 

 **thesun:** LMAO

 

\---

 

"What's up, _fu_ \--" Jack cut himself when he saw Medda raising her eyebrow at him from the front of the theatre as he bursted in with his signature greeting. "--uuuuun-loving people?"

 

"Nice save," she commented.

 

"Thanks. I try."

 

Race turned to Spot and help his hand up, doing the "OK" symbol. "I am this close to losing my shit."

 

"Your fingers are touching."

 

"I know. He's going to try to talk to me and I'm probably going to snap and make things even worse."

 

"Full offence, but how the hell are you going to manage to do that?"

 

"It happens every single time! I can't stop, and it's a problem!"

 

"You're going to be fine," Davey said, "it's time to talk things out without trying to drag him for once, and obviously doing it over text hasn't been working. Maybe this is what you need."

 

"You said I wasn't even allowed to see him, let alone talk to him! What's with this sudden 180?"

 

"I talked to him already."

 

"You _what_?"

 

\---

 

**3:41 PM**

 

**thesun >>> davey**

 

 **thesun:** has it happened yet

 

 **davey:** not quite

 

 **davey:** almost

 

 **thesun:** good

 

\---

 

"I talked to Jack. Everything is going to be fine. Talk to him." Davey watched as Spot shot him a look. He responded with a shrug. Spot raised an eyebrow before pulling out his phone.

 

\---

 

**3:42 PM**

 

**dalmation >>> davey**

 

 **dalmation:** what are you planning

 

 **davey:** you'll see

 

 **dalmation:** just tell me

 

 **dalmation:** i won't say a word about it

 

 **davey:** well, here's the plan

 

\---

 

Jack approached their little group, feeling more than just a bit nervous. He hoped that whatever Davey and Crutchie had going on would actually work. He _really_ missed his best friend. Spot gave him a look when he was about 10 feet away, and it wasn't necessarily angry, it was more… warning. Jack just nodded, able to guess the consequences if he didn't listen. He couldn't mess this up or Spot would probably kill him, that much was for sure.

 

He took a deep breath. _I am going to die here and that's fine_. "Hey, I understand if it's a bad time, what with the audition and all that, but we really need to talk." When Race turned to him, he realized just how long it had been since they held a real conversation.

 

"Yeah, we do." He made no indication that he was moving any time soon, and Jack nearly rolled his eyes. It was typical Race, as little of that as he remembered.

 

"Without Spot 'n Davey spying on us."

 

"Oh. Okay."

 

_...that's it? "Oh, okay"?_

 

"Yeah. So, uh, backstage?"

 

"That's fine."

 

Jack nodded and started heading backstage with Race following. Jack wasn't quite sure how to go about this. He wished he was someone with more tact, someone like Davey, who could read a situation and see a solution right away. But he wasn't, and he figured the only thing he could do was try his best.

 

Jack took a deep breath. Why was he so nervous? "Okay. I don't want you to talk. I just need you to listen. Can you do that for me?" Race nodded slowly. _Off to a great start, Jack._ "Okay. Good. I've said this before and I'm not afraid to say it again: I _really_ messed up. I know, I know, duh, I'm the highest form of idiot, whatever else. Before, after I said I was sorry and you said, 'are you realizing this now,' I said 'at least I'm apologizing,' which I will admit was a dick move, and I'm sorry for that, too. I shouldn't have manipulated you, and I know it should have been obvious to me that what I was doing wasn't okay. I kept pushing you and, looking back, it was kind of obvious that you weren't okay with it and-- _wow_ I made a lot of stupid mistakes. Okay, the point is, I know what I did. I've had a week or however long to think all of it over and reread all of the messages and I was an _ass_. I guess I didn't know how much would miss you. I mean, you're friends with someone for five years and suddenly you care about them? It's crazy how that works! So anyway, words can't express how sorry I am, and I just want us to go back to being friends. I'm done now."

 

"I messed up, too, don't act like this whole thing is your fault. You were _trying_ , at least, I mean, looking back at my old messages really made me want to yell at my past self. I was so stupid. You tried to make things better and I wouldn't listen and that was… god, that was awful. We both made some really dumb mistakes. I still can't believe I pulled 'sorry doesn't cut it' on you, like, what? Who did I think I was?"

 

Jack laughed. _This_ was what he was used to. Familiar territory was always comforting. "I just kind of stared at it for five whole seconds and I was so tempted to say 'alright, edgelord,' you will _never_ understand how much willpower it took not to type it."

 

It was Race's turn to laugh now. Jack couldn't help but feel just a tiny bit proud of himself. "No offence but if you don't change my name in the chat to edgelord, I don't know what I'll do."

 

"Hmm, I'm kinda attached to nyoom now. I don't think I wanna get rid of it."

 

"Yeah, me either."

 

They sat in silence for a few seconds, but the air was less suffocating than it was just five minutes before. Davey was right. Everything was going to be okay. "So, are we okay now?"

 

Race smiled. "Yeah, I think we are. It might take some time to get over it, but I think we'll be alright." He rolled his eyes. "And, to be fair, I missed you, too."

 

"Aww, you _do_ care!" Jack checked his watch. "We have to go, you guys start in five minutes."

 

" _Shit_."

 

\---

 

Davey most certainly didn't internally cheer for himself when he saw Jack and Race talking and laughing how they used to. He didn't. Absolutely not. Not Davey Jacobs, no sir.

 

Crutchie, who had arrived just after they left, definitely didn't smile knowingly. He did not. Not even when Jack sat with Race and Davey in the front row after giving him a thumbs-up.

 

(Spot could argue both of those statements. Davey almost cheered out loud, and Crutchie's smile could have lit the whole school during a power outage. Not that he would say that any time soon.)

 

Medda clapped her hands to get everyone's attention. "I hope you all prepared your music this time," she said, with a very pointed look at Davey and Race sitting in the front row, "Remember that there will be a short dance portion of this audition because some pieces will probably have choreography when we take them to competition. You're all gonna be fine. You've done almost all of this once before, and you're some of the best our school has to offer. Good luck! Now, who wants to go first?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof i got so much secondhand anxiety writing this, it's like preparing to audition all over again--
> 
> i think this is the longest chapter yet, holy s h i t


	19. ok google: why did it take me 284924 years to write this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OOF SORRY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just couldnt write for this no matter how hard i tried, probably bc i got back into bandstand and then i was focused on that
> 
> but hey
> 
> now im also writing a boyband au so thats fun
> 
> uhhhhh here ya go!! sorry its short!

Ten minutes after Medda made her announcement, and callbacks had officially started, Davey realized something troubling. It was another five minutes until he actually spoke up about it. "I am half an inch away from a mental breakdown right now," Davey said. "Sarah is nowhere to be found and she  _ knows _ this is today if this morning is any indication."

 

"Is she answering her phone?" Jack asked. Davey shook his head.

 

"What if something happened? What if--"

 

Race cut him off. "And I'm going to stop you right there before you decide she's dead in a ditch somewhere."

 

"That was my next scenario! Seriously, you people never believe me when I do this but I'm right more than you give me credit for!"

 

"Who would win, Sarah Jacobs or one anxious boy?" Spot deadpanned. Davey glared at him and he raised his hands in surrender.

 

"Now is not the time to be making jokes! My sister could be somewhere, hurt, or what if the Delanceys  _ tried something _ \--"

 

"Davey, the Delanceys are in this very room. I don't think you have to worry about that."

 

"Wait," Race said, "Katherine isn't here either. I'm gonna take a wild guess and say they're together somewhere."

 

"Oh God, both of them are half dead in an alley, that's it--"

 

"Not what I meant."

 

"No, seriously, neither of them know any means of self defense and neither of them carry any kind of weapon or something or--"

 

"Davey!  _ Not what I meant _ !"

 

With perfect timing, Katherine and Sarah walked into the theatre with their clothes and hair slightly disheveled, and Davey turned around so fast he blurred around the edges before half-sprinting to the doors.

 

"Sarah Anne Jacobs, where the _hell_ have you been?"

 

Sarah smiled at Katherine. "Take a guess."

 

Davey stuttered for a second before forcing out, "Getting  _ murdered _ in a fucking  _ alley _ \--" He stopped before he could make a fool of himself.

 

Sarah stared at him.  _ Where on Earth did he get that idea? _ "No, what the… David, I'm fine. More than fine."

 

Davey's eyes focused on Sarah and Katherine's joined hands and it suddenly dawned on him. "Oh my God.  _ Oh my God _ . You terrified me half to death just so you could make out with Katherine?!"

 

\---

 

Jack and Race looked on in amusement before Jack had a realization not unlike Davey's. "Holy shit. They're holding hands!"

 

Race held back a laugh. "Fucking  _ finally _ . I've been waiting for them to get it together for months."

 

Jack gaped at him. "You knew?!"

 

Race shrugged. "Well, yeah. It was obvious."

 

"Spot Conlon," Medda called.

 

"Oof," Spot said, "Thought I'd have more time than this."

 

"Rest in pieces. I'll bribe Davey to sing at your funeral."

 

\---

 

It's been ten minutes, and Davey is becoming more anxious by the second. He has maybe 10 more to calm down before he has to go. 

 

Let it be known that David Jacobs is not okay.

 

As a joke, Medda has been asking people about special talents when they go up, and he's nervous about that too, but when Race goes up five minutes before him and says, "I can do an impression of the "hewwo" meme," and Medda asks for clarification, Davey's too busy laughing to be freaking out.

 

"Hewwo, is anybody thewe? H-hewwo? Pwease, somebody hewp me! Hewwoooo?! Nononononononono hewwo!! Hewwo, hewp me!"

 

Spot, from the audience, deadpans, "God west youw souw," and Davey is  _ cackling _ .

 

"Hewwo?! Ma'am, why awe you doing this to me? Hewwo, hewp me pwease!! M-Mr. Obama, is that you?! Hewwo?! Pwease hewp me, I seem to be in a wittle bit of twouble Mr. Obama, h-hewwo! H-h-hewwo!!!" Race gasps as loudly as he possibly can and begins overacting as much as possible, and Medda starts laughing as he continues with, "Pwease Mr. Obama, pwease hewp me I don't wanna die! H-hewwo, Mr. Obama?! Awe you still thewe? Mr. Obama pwease, I'm dwowning! H-hewwo, I'm scawed! I'll do anything fow you Mr. Obama, pwease hewp!"

 

Spot pretends to consider very seriously for a moment, and then says, "...anything?"

 

Race nods frantically and responds, "Anything fow you, Mr. Obama!"

 

Spot gets this evil look on his face, stands up, and looks Race dead in the eyes as he says, "Then perish."

 

Race makes a noise that vaguely sounds like choking before dramatically falling to the floor, and by now, Davey's completely dead. There's no coming back from this. Spot's trying desperately not to laugh on his right, and Jack's openly wheezing on his left.

 

When Medda's done laughing, she asks, "Is there more?"

 

Race gets this twinkle in his eye and Davey thinks,  _ Oh god, what's he going to do now? _ Race makes eye contact with Spot and mouths something that kind of vaguely looks like, "Part two?" and Spot nods. Race nods back at him and says, "Okay, there's a part two and a part three, so we'll just do both, I guess?" Spot shrugs. "Right. Okay. H-hewwo…. hewwo? Is anybody hewe…?" Spot loudly bangs on the bottom of his chair and Race's jump isn't completely staged. Davey starts to laugh again and Jack's still wheezing from before as Race makes a scared noise and says, "Hewwo? Hewwo?!  _ Hewwo _ ?!"

 

Spot grins emptily, makes eye contact with Medda, and says, "Sorry. I missed," pulling out a real-looking gun before re-aiming at Race. He pulls the trigger and out comes a flag that just says "bang".

 

Davey is deceased.

 

The two bow and  _ apparently that's the end of that one okay yeah sure _ .

 

"The next one is  _ super weird _ , so…" Race trails off, and Spot thinks for a second before explaining.

 

"It's called "hewwo surgery" and it's probably exactly what you think it is. Go ahead and start now that we've, uh, cleared that up?"

 

"...Okay. Hewwo! Wewcome to suwgewy, haha! Nuwse, pass me the scawpew so we can begin. Heheh, stop making the siwwy sounds, I need to finish the incision! Pwease stop scweaming in  _ pain _ , silly, hA!" Race cringes as he says the next line, and really starts to look like he wants to die at that exact moment, but Davey can hear Albert and Elmer losing their shit a couple rows away and Jack's… still wheezing, so he keeps going, "I'm giving youw owgans a massage, heheh, nya! Uh… hewwo, any hydwochlowic acid awound?"

 

Spot says, "God, how do I delete someone else?" and Race smiles in a really creepy way Davey hopes he never has to see again.

 

"Youw owgans wiw act as the paving stones of my path to totaw domination!"

 

Spot acts as shocked as he can and says, "You'll never take me ali--!" before dramatically clutching his chest and falling to his knees.

 

"The deed is done!" Race finishes, and then says, "I am so sorry I put you all through that. I think I should leave now."

 

Medda rolls her eyes and says, "Nope, you still have to sing." Race apparently forgot what he was doing, because he looks extremely confused for a solid three seconds before he says "oh, right" and walks back to the center of the stage. "I'm barely surprised that you can recite all of that from memory."

 

"Me too."


	20. when you gotta lecture finch for crutchie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> my hair? a NEST badum tss: what. even is my name
> 
> santa_gay: LMAO WHO DID THIS
> 
> nyoom: why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DIDNT REALIZE I SWITCHED TO PRESENT TENSE AT THE END OF THE LAST CHAPTER ALSDKNALSVN IT'S WHAT THE BOYBAND AU IS WRITTEN IN SO NOW WHEN IT'S NOT CHAT IT'S JUST GONNA BE PRESENT TENSE

**10:07 PM**

 

**davey's good christian groupchat**

 

**santa_gay:** i have so many unanswered questions about the hewwo thing

 

**nyoom:** DONT EVEN TALK TO ME RN IT WAS A M I S T A KE

 

**dalmation:** NO IT WAS FUNNY ASLNDVAKSDNV

 

**davey:** jesus christ im surrounded by psychos

 

**santa_gay:** um???? you love us wtf?????????

 

**nyoom >>> santa_gay**

 

**nyoom:** "you love us" ;))))))) you're hoping he loves someone in particular ;)))))))))))

 

**santa_gay:** EXCUSEZ-MOI

 

**nyoom:** OUI

 

**davey's good christian groupchat**

 

**santa_gay:** RACE IS A B U L L Y

 

**thesun:** i missed hearing those words sm

 

**idontknowher:** i didnt yEET

 

**who-is-she:** no one says yeet anymore but its ok <3

 

**idontknowher:** <3

 

**davey:** G R O S S

 

**thesun:** YALL ARE SO CUTE IM FUCKING ALKSDNVALSKFDN

 

**nyoom:** sometimes…. lesbians that are cuter (than your relationship)…… are worse

 

**thesun:** wOW @ ME NEXT TIME

 

**nyoom: @thesun** sometimes…. lesbians that are cuter (than your relationship)...... are worse

 

**thesun:** ….ok a few things to unpack here

 

**thesun:** 1) im gonna tell finch you said that he'll k i l l y o u

 

**thesun:** 2) i cant even really argue this because yes. the lesbians are cuter. Always.

 

**idontknowher:** Y E E T

 

**thesun:** Y E S

 

**thesun:** 3) did i mention to everyone else that i am In A Relationship Or Did Race Just Find Out On Accident

 

**santa_gay:** THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IVE HEARD OF THIS AND IM GONNA GIVE HIM THE BIG BROTHER TALK™

 

**thesun:** PLEASE DO NOT

 

**thesun:** YOULL PROBABLY SCARE HIM HALF TO DEATH DO N O T

 

**santa_gay** has created the groupchat  **listen here you little shit** .

 

**santa_gay** has added  **davey** ,  **dalmation** ,  **nyoom** , and  **my hair? a NEST badum tss** .

 

**my hair? a NEST badum tss:** what. even is my name

 

**santa_gay:** LMAO WHO DID THIS

 

**nyoom:** why.

 

**my hair? a NEST badum tss** has changed their name to  **bird boi** .

 

**bird boi:** before you say anything

 

**bird boi:** its better than it was

 

**nyoom:** because that is so difficult to accomplish.

 

**davey:** oKAY calm down edgelord

 

**nyoom:** sorry is it too early in the conversation (lecture) to go this far??

 

**santa_gay:** slightly but go off i guess

 

**nyoom:** ,,,,,,dont tempt me

 

**dalmation:** anyway!

 

**nyoom:** WOW

 

**dalmation:** we have all been gathered here today because we heard from a certain boy with a crutch that you just so happen to be his boyfriend.

 

**santa_gay:** yes. and we are here to just run a few things by you to make sure we're all on the same page.

 

**bird boi:** ...i

 

**bird boi:** ok

 

**davey:** great!

 

**davey:** 1) we are all crutchie's honorary brothers and if you hurt him let's just say his emotional pain will pale in comparison to your physical pain when we're done with you!

 

**dalmation:** and i can throw a mean punch.

 

**nyoom:** i was in karate for five years and if you think i won't pull that knowledge out on you, you're dead fucking wrong, kiddo.

 

**bird boi:** youre younger than me

 

**nyoom:** shut up that was not the point

 

**bird boi:** wOW

 

**santa_gay:** 2) if you happen to think we're kidding, just wait and see what happens if or when you hurt our boy : )

 

**bird boi:** I DIDNT PLAN ON IT BUT ALRIGHT

 

**nyoom:** 3) i will insult you in as many ways as i possibly can in as many languages as i can and probably use words you won't understand as well as publicly shame you until you give a sincere, heartfelt apology to crutchie :)))) that is, of course, if the others don't commit a murder first!

 

**santa_gay:** i know spanish and i will teach him every word he wants to use :)

 

**davey:** i can and will teach him how to drag you a thousand different ways in french, and that's off the top of my head

 

**dalmation:** I Will Attempt To Teach Him German But No Promises Because I Am Still A Beginner. But I Will Speak In The Language Of Fists. a novel by me

 

**santa_gay:** have we made ourselves absolutely clear?

 

**bird boi:** crystal but. question

 

**bird boi:** race,, what languages do you even speak

 

**bird boi:** actually two questions. the first one but also why are yall so threatening youve literally known me since second grade

 

**nyoom:** english, italian, bits and pieces of french (davey) and chinese (my dad) and spanish (jack) and also curse words in german (spot)

 

**nyoom:** but nothing concrete and Too Much To Remember so i never use any of them

 

**santa_gay:** we're threatening because we said we would kill you?? generally that's considered a threat????? like in most countries--

 

**bird boi:** i meAN ASIDE FROM THE OBVIOUS--

 

**davey:** We Care About Crutchie's Mental And Emotional Wellbeing That's Why

 

**davey:** and to be fair if you havent learned at least a little bit of french from me i'd question our friendship

 

**dalmation:** just to be absolutely clear: You Hurt Him, You Die

 

**bird boi:** yup got it loud and clear captain

 

**santa_gay:** good! then we should never have to make good on our threats! have a nice night, finch :)

 

**dalmation:** :)

 

**davey:** :)

 

**nyoom:** :)

 

**santa_gay** has left the groupchat.

 

**nyoom** has left the groupchat.

 

**davey** has left the groupchat.

 

**dalmation:** i'll be watching.

 

**dalmation** has left the groupchat.

 

**bird boi:** WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED

 

**bird boi** has deleted the conversation.

 

**davey's good christian groupchat**

 

**thesun:** why did i just get several screenshots of various threats by  **@davey @santa_gay @nyoom @dalmation**

 

**thesun:** yall better have a good fuckin explanation unless you want me to beat you all up

 

**dalmation:** 1) four against one but also none of us would ever hit you back because we love you too much

 

**dalmation:** 2) had to make sure he wouldnt try anything

 

**thesun:** YOU HAD TO THREATEN TO  _ PUBLICLY SHAME HIM? R A C E ? _

 

**nyoom:** haha

 

**nyoom:** yes.

 

**who-is-she:** w

 

**thesun:** no? he's my boyfriend you've known since we were seven and not some creep i just started dating??

 

**nyoom:** ….yes.

 

**thesun:** N O ? ? ?

 

**santa_gay:** give him a break he's like 12 he doesnt know any better

 

**nyoom:** W

 

**nyoom:** EXCUSEZ-MOI SALOPE

 

**davey:** LKANSDLVAKNSLKN

 

**nyoom:** couple of questions for you davey: why do you know the word "slut" in french, and why did i pick up on it from you

 

**davey:** dont expose me wtf

 

**santa_gay:** literalmente acabas de cumplir catorce el mes pasado no me hables

 

**nyoom:** care to translate that you moldy coconut

 

**santa_gay:** ://////

 

**nyoom:** NO! IL MIO MARCHIO!

 

**nyoom:** STRONZO

 

**santa_gay:** im going to assume that was something about me being a filthy brand stealer

 

**idontknowher:** ITS TRUE BUT YOU SHOULDNT SAY IT

 

**nyoom:** TRANSLATE IT YOU MUSTY BITCH

 

**santa_gay:** oKAY DA M N

 

**santa_gay:** i said

 

**santa_gay:** and i quote

 

**santa_gay:** "you literally just turned fourteen last month don't talk to me"

 

**nyoom:** OKAY STOP BULLYING ME JUST BC IM A B A B Y

 

**davey:** OH MY GOD YOURE AN I N F A N T

 

**nyoom:** LsnDLKNVASDKLN

 

**dalmation:** child

 

**nyoom:** NO

 

**dalmation:** c h i l d

 

**nyoom:** N O

 

**thesun:** its ok that means youll outlive us all in the long run

 

**nyoom:** i mean if i dont do something stupid and die but yknow--

 

**davey:** everything vaguely inappropriate youve ever said feels so horrible now because youre an actual toddler

 

**nyoom:** wh

 

**nyoom:** if im a toddler why am i a sophomore bitch riddle me THAT

 

**santa_gay:** WE GET IT YOU SKIPPED 8TH GRADE

 

**nyoom:** DONT @ ME JACK GOD FUCKING DAMN

 

**davey:** BABY N O THATS A BAD WORD

 

**nyoom:** H H H H H H

 

**davey:** I TAUGHT YOU HOW TO SAY SLUT IN FRENCH WHAT KIND OF FRIEND DO I CALL MYSELF

 

**nyoom:** to be fair i wasnt complaining just very confused

 

**santa_gay:** oh my god

 

**who-is-she:** yall are fuckin wild

 

**who-is-she:** sometimes all i can do is just sit and watch this shit unfold because half the time i cant ever understand what the fuck is going on in this hellscape

 

**davey:** good christian =/= hellscape get it RIGHT katherine GOD

 

**who-is-she:** ……….

 

**who-is-she:** why are we here just to suffer

 

**nyoom:** ok elmer

 

**nyoom:** LAKDALKDSNV SORRY HE SAYS THAT ALL THE TIME ITS JUST INSTINCTIVE NOW

 

**who-is-she:** IM NOT EVEN SURPRISED

 

**who-is-she:** ok i feel like albert is the kind of person to say "thanks! i hate it" all the time

 

**nyoom:** wELL YOU'D BE RIGHT

 

**dalmation:** i cant go a single conversation without hearing "thanks! i hate it" at least five times its vv problematic

 

**nyoom:** we should have an intervention

 

**santa_gay:** YES

 

**thesun:** JUST GIVE ME A TIME AND PLACE I'LL BE THERE

  
**idontknowher:** _ Y E E T _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please for the love of all that is holy let those translations be semi-accurate because i checked them through multiple online translators until they were acceptable but idk how they really ended up so!!! if you speak one of the languages used and you see a mistake please point it out and i will fix it!!
> 
> the only thing i'm sure of is excusez-moi meaning excuse me in french because i say it all the time--
> 
> also oui meaning yes aslknaslkvn


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HI SORRY WOOPS OH GOD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I SHOULD PROBABLY SAY THAT THIS FIC IS GOING TO UPDATE VERY RARELY FROM NOW ON, IF AT ALL, SORRY I KNOW A LOT OF PEOPLE LIKED IT
> 
> IM JUST
> 
> NOT THAT PASSIONATE ANYMORE
> 
> U H
> 
> I'LL TRY TO UPDATE SOMETIMES THO
> 
> SORRY SORRY SORRY ALKNVALSKDNV

**santa_gay** has created the groupchat  **intervention time** .

 

**santa_gay** has added  **nyoom** ,  **davey** ,  **dalmation** ,  **who-is-she** ,  **idontknowher** ,  **thesun** , and  **albo** to the conversation.

 

**albo:** nEW GC HELL YEAH

 

**albo:** QUESTION THO

 

**albo:** WHY IS IT CALLED INTERVENTION TIME

 

**santa_gay:** we have gathered here because we have some things we need to talk to you about.

 

**dalmation:** please have a seat. you may want some tissues.

 

**albo:** oh jeez

 

**albo:** is elmer breaking up with me through you guys i s2g

 

**dalmation:** WHAT

 

**nyoom:** W H A T

 

**santa_gay:** oh snap

 

**albo:** I'LL TAKE THAT?? AS A NO???? CONTINUE

 

**who-is-she:** well, we've noticed some...things. that you tend to do. little quirks and habits.

 

**albo:** wh

 

**nyoom:** certain phrases you repeat a lot.

 

**albo:** oh. i see. i know what this is about

 

**davey:** phrases that often include the word "thanks"

 

**idontknowher:** you may recognize "thank you, bitch, fuck you" or "its a avocado… thaaaanks". we are not talking about either of those.

 

**thesun:** in fact, we have a particular phrase in mind.

 

**nyoom:** you may remember the words "thanks! i hate it", often used by yourself

 

**albo:** jesus h christ

 

**davey:** you see, albie--can i call you albie?--the rate at which we've heard this phrase has steadily increased from the point it first reached your mind

 

**dalmation:** this has concerned us greatly. we don't want to hurt you, we just want to help.

 

**santa_gay:** albo, this has to come to a stop. i'm sorry to do this, but you leave me no choice. i'm confiscating your "thanks! i hate it" privileges.

 

**albo:** _ no _

 

**santa_gay:** im sorry. you leave me no choice.

 

**santa_gay** has left the conversation.

 

**dalmation** has left the conversation.

 

**davey** has left the conversation.

 

**idontknowher** has left the conversation.

 

**thesun** has left the conversation.

 

**nyoom** has left the conversation.

 

**who-is-she** has left the conversation.

 

**davey's good christian groupchat**

 

**idontknowher** has added  **albo** to the conversation.

 

**idontknowher:** welcome to hell! :)

 

**albo:** what in the god damn

 

**nyoom:** FBNLKDKDNL

 

**santa_gay:** dzsadhz

 

**davey:** you know what we should do

 

**who-is-she:** wot

 

**davey:** hogwarts houses

 

**nyoom:** GRYFFINDOR

 

**santa_gay:** GRYFFINDOR

 

**dalmation:** GRYFFINDOR

 

**nyoom:** _ sweetie _

 

**dalmation:** what

 

**nyoom:** youre a slytherin if ive ever met one dont even talk to me rn

 

**dalmation:** wh. e w

 

**dalmation:** ok

 

**dalmation** has blocked  **nyoom** .

 

**albo:** im a slytherin theres nothing wrong with that

 

**dalmation:** f u c k

 

**dalmation:** t h a t

 

**dalmation:** n o i s e

 

**albo:** o h

 

**albo:** o k

 

**davey:** im a ravenclaw

 

**thesun:** no really??

 

**idontknowher:** lkndflkanfdalnkba

 

**idontknowher:** me too tho

 

**nyoom:** you seem like a gryffindor though wtf

 

**idontknowher:** i got those Good Ravenclaw Genes my man

 

**nyoom:** i

 

**nyoom:** alright

 

**thesun:** youre so gonna @ me for this

 

**nyoom:** oh no

 

**thesun:** im a slytherin,,,

 

**albo:** SUH DUDE

 

**nyoom:** WHAT

 

**nyoom: @thesun** EXCUSE ME

 

**thesun:** I MEAN I WENT A WHOLE HALF OF MY LIFE THINKING I WAS A HUFFLEPUFF AND I WAS W R O N G

 

**nyoom:** LKADNFBLAFKDNBLAF

 

**who-is-she:** bet you cant guess what house i am

 

**davey:** one of us

 

**idontknowher:** one of us

 

**davey:** one of us

 

**idontknowher:** one of us

 

**who-is-she:** wh

 

**who-is-she:** i'll accept that actually

 

**nyoom:** so you mean to tell me we dont know any hufflepuffs

 

**thesun:** no we do

 

**thesun:** romeo

 

**thesun:** finch

 

**thesun:** jojo

 

**thesun:** buttons

 

**nyoom:** jesus thats so m a ny

 

**santa_gay:** hufflepuffs are so underappreciated its what they deserve

 

**nyoom:** you got me there

 

**albo:** elmies a hufflepuff i lov him

 

**dalmation:** al thats gay

 

**albo:** yeah i am thanks for noticing alkdfnlakdfb

 

**nyoom:** what house is roger

 

**santa_gay:** ,,who?

 

**nyoom:** i

 

**idontknowher:** <<<<<

 

**nyoom:** YALL REALLY DONT KNOW WHO ROGER IS ARE YOU FUCKIN FR

 

**dalmation:** he's a slytherin

 

**nyoom:** thank god

 

**nyoom:** finally someone recognizes his existence unlike SOME PEOPLE I KNOW

 

**santa_gay:** S H H H H H HES NEVER AT SCHOOL

 

**nyoom:** HE HAS PERFECT ATTENDANCE THE FUCK DO YOU M E AN

 

**santa_gay:** W HA  T

 

**nyoom:** JACK YOUVE KNOWN HIM FOR THREE YEARS I DONT

 

**nyoom:** I DONT U N D E R S T A N D

 

**santa_gay:** NEITHER DO I APPARENTLY

 

**nyoom:** I CANT BELIEVE THIS

 

**dalmation:** im calling the police aldknvalksnbaf

 

**albo:** me when im minorly inconvenienced

 

**who-is-she:** big mood wtf

 

**davey:** ok but

 

**davey:** ultimate question

 

**davey:** patronuses

 

**thesun:** FINCH HAS A REALLY COOL PATRONUS IM SO MAD ABOUT IT

 

**davey:** wH

 

**davey:** WHAT IS IT

 

**thesun:** HE TOOK THE POTTERMORE QUIZ AND GOT A PHOENIX IM SO FUCKING

 

**thesun:** ITS WHAT HE DESERVES BUT THAT WAS ALSO DUMBLEDORE'S PATRONUS I JUST.

 

**nyoom:** ok,, im suing finch

 

**dalmation:** me too what the fuck

 

**santa_gay:** how in the god damn hell did he pull that one off

 

**thesun:** i just dont question it anymore honestly

 

**davey:** i got a snek

 

**davey:** an adder

  
**santa_gay:** aaaaand no one is surprised

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can you believe im a ravenclaw and my patronus is an osprey--
> 
> yall should tell me your house and patronus if you want!! it might be interesting to hear!


End file.
